Billy Jo Earl Brown—construction worker from the state of Georgia.
Calvin Murdoch—frustrated artist.
Cyan Chartreuse—ex-Army medic, now an EMT.
Donovan Knight—ex-Air Force, now an airline pilot.
Edward Aldrich—ex-Army, now a computer tech.
Marcus Dreamseed Anderson—17 year-old whiz kid and technical prodigy.

Session 1

Billy Jo: “It's not the first time I've woken up strapped into a seat upside down.”

Calvin gives his OOC response to Marcus's explanations: “I failed my EGO Roll to pay attention.”

Calvin: "In all that science babble, any idea where we might be?"
Marcus: "I have many ideas where we are not."

Marcus tries to convince himself that a mammoth is really just an elephant.
Calvin: "I think that's a toupee."

The PCs want to avoid the wooly mammoths on the other side of the brook, leading to this bit of advice: "Don't cross the streams."

Marcus convinces Billy Jo to go into the unknown jungle and hunt for dinner: "Right—that's got rid of him."

Donovan: "Where's the plane?"
Calvin: "Which part?"

Marcus: "If dinosaurs start to eat you, scream real loud."

Cyan and Edward decide who gets first watch via 'Rock, Paper, Scissors.'

The GM: "Everyone make a PER roll."
Marcus (currently walking behind the pretty woman) (OOC): "I know what I see."

Billy Jo: “We’re not going to get rescued, are we?”

Session 2

Marcus is searching for saltpeter to make gunpowder.
Billy Jo is tomcatting around the pretty women.
Donovan to Marcus: "We may need that stuff for other things."

Billy Jo (OOC): "If the geek gets laid before me it'll be a personal failure."

Billy Jo on the sexual mores in Fyrkat Village (OOC): "I love this place.”

The PCs appoint Edward "shoot first and ask questions never" Aldrich as their conscience. The concept boggles the GM.

The PCs appoint Billy Jo "Kirk is my role model for alien diplomacy" Earl Brown as their moral guide.

The GM: "...that'll only happen if the campaign runs on the Rule of Funny."
Marcus (OOC): "Mike, look at your players."

Marcus: "Sometimes I space out because I'm thinking hard. Sometimes it's boobies."

Marcus (OOC): "We're fighting a race of Andre the Giants?"
The GM:"These guys [the villagers] are up for it."
Marcus the scrawny teen (OOC): "Yeah, but they're in shape and stuff!"

Marcus (OOC): "The come in 3 sizes: bigger than me, lots bigger and Oh, Sh*t!"

Calvin (OOC): "Does this mean we're the red shirts?"
The GM: "Yes."

Calvin comments on the fight taking place (OOC): “I work in a mail room, and this is not D&D.”

Billy Jo on observing an injured ally: "I call upon my expert medical knowledge. Cyan! He's hurt!"

Donovan to Cyan Chartreuse (OOC): "Come on—give Dalla [injured Hunting Person/catgirl] mouth-to-mouth. We're all gathered to watch."
Calvin (OOC): "It's for science."

A month passes and Marcus introduces new concepts to the medieval village (gunpowder, distilling, etc).
Player: "You're violating the Prime Directive!"
Marcus (OOC): "I'm not only violating the Prime Directive, I'm actively raping that fucker and making it cry."

At the after-game talk: "We are a group of sick, deviant bastards."

Session 3

Donovan (OOC): "A bokken is a club that has style."

Marcus (OOC): "He absorbs the powers of things that damage him?"
Donovan (OOC): "C'mere so we can hit him with this shark."

Donovan (OOC) to Marcus: "You're just an exposition bitch."

Marcus (OOC): Suggestion to Billy Jo: "Charge 'em!"
Billy Jo: "Billy Jo charges 'em!" doing a non-combat Move-Through, arriving in the center of the enemy squad at zero DCV.
Marcus (OOC): "I was joking."
Donovan (OOC): "Sarcasm only works on the mentally able."
Billy Jo proceeds to hit and roll maximum damage and maximum knockback, and the players stop laughing at him. This sets the tone for the entire combat.

Example #1: Edward takes an NND shot and goes down. Billy Jo gets hit twice and doesn't.

Example #2: Seeing this, the bad guy with a gun says "screw taking them alive" and does 5 BODY, 27 STUN past defenses. Billy Jo is picked up by the villagers and takes one Phase to recover to positive STUN, then charges and guts the aforementioned shooter.

[one of the villagers picking Billy Jo up]: "Damn, Billy Jo's heavy."
Donovan (OOC): "He's full of badass."

Calvin (OOC): "The dice are genre-savvy today."

Billy Jo: Charges and kills yet another bad guy.
Calvin (OOC): "Can of whoop-ass? No, you're a keg."

At this point the adventure is officially titled, "The Day Of Billy Jo."

Cyan (OOC): "Billy Jo's like a dog after a car. Not sure what he'll do if he catches it."
Marcus (OOC): "He'd rip the fender off."
Donovan (OOC): "And hump it."

Billy Jo: "Maybe I'm getting too overconfident."
There is general disbelief among the players.

Billy Jo's in one of the enemy APCs and two [retreating] bad guys aren't.
Billy Jo: "I have the high ground. I can't lose!" and he multi-attacks.
The GM: "His [Billy Jo's] spear turns into a lightsaber."

The enemy commander challenges Edward to a duel, and after a few inconclusive rounds...
Edward : "You're good, but not good enough." and rolls a 6 to hit.
Donovan (OOC): "And he rolls two sixes for damage."
Result? Two sixes for maximum damage.

Marcus attempts to board an enemy APC, and gets shot off into the arms of the smith's wife, who refuses to let him back into the fight.
Donovan (OOC): "You've been rescued by your mom."

After running across half the village Marcus approaches another APC, but it lifts off with Billy Jo in it before he can board.
Marcus: "God dammit."
He then sees Donovan fly up and get on (this is the first appearance of this power).
Marcus: "God Dammit."
He turns to pick up a sword he'd passed, only to find that it'd been picked up by the smith's wife, who'd followed him (and she’s not giving it up.)
Marcus: "God Dammit!"

We count it up and of the 28 enemy attackers (who dawn-assaulted a spear-and-club Viking-era village with guns and flying APCs), 3 of the pilots flew away and 3 attackers managed to run off. Of the 21 dead (one was taken alive), Billy Jo killed at least 8 of them—and captured the fourth APC.

The GM: "Autopsies show the leading cause of death in Lizard People is Billy Jo."

Cyan Chartreuse (OOC): "Hello, I'm Hissy S. Gator. You may remember me from such films as Rub My Tummy and Put That in Your Mouth. I'm here to talk to you about the leading cause of death among male adult Lizard People, Billy Jo. If you or your loved one has come in contact with Billy Jo, seek medical care immediately."

Marcus: is asked what to do with the prisoner: "I have some definite opinions—they start with "V" and end with "-ivisection.""

There is discussion on who will be allowed to question the prisoner, and Mister Edward "shoot first and question the survivors" Aldrich won't let Cyan be alone with him.

Edward: "The Geneva Convention states interrogations have to be 2 people."
Marcus (OOC): "Prisoner and torturer equal two people."

And you [the GM] cannot fail to mention how you divided up the casualties.

The GM: "By my count, 17 villagers went down. Divided by six players, each of you tell me what happened to three NPCs your character's associated with."
The players then proceed to prove the statement, "No GM is as cruel to a character as the player himself." Highlights include:

1) Billy Jo's lover loses her sister and brother-in-law, leaving the niece an orphan. As the PCs have to leave and the little girl can't, this is considered an effective, if cold way of arranging a break-up. Considering the quality of the prose written about the creation of the relationship, we're looking forward to reading about this.

2) Marcus, the geek, instead of choosing an NPC has one of the storage buildings that burned contain his computer, electronics and other various experiments.

3) Cyan, the medic who lost her husband in a fire, has two children burn to death in one of the buildings. The GM interrupts with Cyan gaining the necessary strength, life support and defenses to brave the flames and retrieve them unharmed, but still... the intent was to have a woman who'd lost her husband in a fire to now lose two kids in a fire. That's harsh.

Cyan’s player: "Happy characters are boring characters."

To all you GMs out there—if you want to do evil things like this, just give the players the opportunity to do it to themselves.

Session 4

The GM shows Marcus (the geek) a picture of what his girlfriend looks like (supremely hot and, in the picture, naked).
Marcus (OOC): "I need to buy down my INT."

Donovan: "Who do you want to hunt? The tool, or the hand that wielded that tool?”

Donovan flies off.
Players: "It's a bird." "It's a plane."
The GM: "It's a lawsuit for using DC Comic's dialogue."

Cyan (drunk medic) to Donovan: "You sappy melodramatic asshole."

Billy Jo (OOC) on the Lizard People: "They're Sleestacks."
The GM: "You actually watched that?"
Billy Jo: "It was a great movie!"
The GM: "It was a Will Farrell movie - it was crap."

Billy Jo (OOC) on Marcus' actions to improve the viking-era village: "Marcus is over there smoking a cigarette after having violated the Prime Directive again."

Player 1 makes an off-hand comment.
GM starts writing.
Calvin (OOC): "See what you made him do? He's taking notes!"

Captain Jiranee Jenvirava (a very beautiful NPC) goes to the river to bathe.
Calvin (back at camp): "Is that the sound of nudity?"
Cyan (at the river): "My perv sense is tingling."

Session 5

After many animal husbandry jokes:
Player1: "What's the name of this town?"
"Southern California."

Donovan takes custody of a prisoner, then we all want to go on a tour of the defenses.
Marcus (the geek) draws his gun and shoots the prisoner with an NND. "Now we can both go."

Later, the group questions the prisoner (Jonathan), who is an anthropomorphic fox. Later questions include:
"How long have you been a small, woodland animal?"
"Have you ever considered not being a fox?"

Jonathan admits to being a furry back on Earth.
Cyan: "I think we can all agree this is really awkward right now."

The PCs locate and discuss attacking a group of 40-60 bandits.
Captain Jiranee: "Just the six of you?"
Edward: "You can come if you want."

At the camp, Billy Jo does a PRE attack.
The GM: "These three are reconsidering their life's options."
Billy Jo: "Better think fast—I'm only one hex away."

Player 3: "Show 'em your tits!"
Cyan's player lifts his shirt: "Quaaid! Start the reactor!"

Calvin walks up and stabs an enemy, while he's crawling away trying to put out flaming oil: "I don't see what's so hard about this combat thing."

Session 6

Cyan on Calvin: "Once you get past all the smarminess, he's an okay guy."

The GM, after a discussion on Marcus' continuing attempts to make gunpowder turns to The Anarchist's Cookbook and failures on making napalm: "Take it to a school and throw it at the kids—if it sticks, it's napalm."

Discussing Jonathan, a social misfit.
Yar: "I know that guy."
Nate: "Everyone knows that guy. For Matt and me, it's Josh."
Josh (out in the kitchen): "What!?"

The GM to Calvin: "I'll use the dirty counter for you, because you get more sex."

Edward: "I Move-Through the pilot."
The GM: "You're gonna take half damage."
Edward: "This is Ed."

Edward yells out his attack, and Cyan tries to shout a warning.
The GM: "He can't hear you over how awesome he is."

The GM is using INT in case of tied DEX to see who goes first.
Donovan (OOC): "You're just going to have to get smarter."
Billy Jo (OOC): "I don't think that's going to happen."

The GM: "Billy Jo's phrase to activate a Push is 'Hey, y'all! Watch this!'"

Donovan grabs a guy and flies straight up. On his phase the captured guy makes the contested STR roll and breaks free. There is a Wile Coyote moment.

Session 7

"You have two settings on your gun. Kill it or take it prisoner."

"I want to know which way to lie."

"I bit myself shaving."

"We didn't get anyone to rescue... what did we do wrong?"

"I've got my 12 gauge miracle right here."

Session 8

Cyan on regicide: "We're not so much talking about a regime change as a regime edit."

Cyan channeling Billy Joe: "Did you ever see the movie Over the Top? It was just like that but better! Because I was in it!"

Cyan on Marcus: "Sometimes that boy creeps me the fuck out."

The GM: "Billy Jo doesn't go hunting because that implies he might fail. Billy Jo goes killing."

Session 9

Donovan: "Tell me the explosion won't kill half the city."
Marcus: *pauses to calculate*
Marcus: "It won't kill half the city."
Donovan: "I don't want it to kill any innocents."
Marcus: "Can I use the Catholic definition of innocent?

Unknown: "Ed's gonna anime the door."

Michael Bay does Zelda: Link has a rocket launcher.

The PCs have just shot up the kingdom and put their noble on the throne. Marcus gives copies of the Magna Carta and Declaration of Independence to the bad-guy prime minister who is now in exile: "This is how we dealt with kings at home."

Session 10

Yar or Nestor: "Abort to defecate is a zero-phase action."

The PCs enter a jungle with a road.
Edward: "I've seen The Hobbit—don't leave the trail."
Marcus: "What could happen? We encounter giant spiders?"
Later in the adventure: giant spiders.

Donovan: "Billy Jo is a redneck Brock Sampson."

Someone: "It looks like an armadillo fucked a monkey."
Billy Jo: "It's good eatin'!"

Session 11

No quotes—the penis jokes overpowered our flaccid attempts at humor.

Session 12

Marcus to Edward: "You think you're an anime hero. He thinks he's a [Warhammer 40,000] Space Marine. I'm not going to fuck with either of you!"

The GM: "This is Billy Jo. He kills people with an axe. This is Donovan. He kills people with Billy Jo."

The GM on one of the NPCs: "This guy is like 4chan brought to life."

The GM to the PC spy: "Are you going into the [enemy commander's] tent?"
Calvin: "Why wouldn't I? There's plot in there."

Conversation on how Edward is most like the Warlord Conan of all the PCs:
Edward: "I'm not a self-centered dick."
Marcus: "You're not a dick. And you can probably jump farther."
Donovan: "You've got something he doesn't have. Morals."
Marcus: "[and] Blue hair."

Return to The Well Of The Worlds