A while back some one posted that more cool gaming stories were needed. This got me to thinking, and I present the following, which may not be cool or awe-inspiring stories or events, but should get a few chuckles. The events are from a number of different games, not all of which I actually played in at the time.

Worst intro of ALL time: Okay, here's the set up. The Art Museum is being robbed by a supervillainess named Crystal. This event is witnessed by Player A. He dashes into the restroom and changes into his... uh.. costume (jogging suit and ski-mask). Running out, he tells Crystal to stop. She turns and says "Who are you?" Player's response? "I... don't have a name yet." Silence reigns... Anyway, they fight.

This scene is witness by Player B. He trots his character over and decides to help save the day by activating his Instant Change and adopting his Heroic ID. Did I mention his name is "The Amoeba"? Two cops freak and open fire. One hits, maxes on Body and Stun and puts our hero (who has NO resistant PD) down for the count. (He did have Regen BTW).

Sooo... across the street, Player C sees what's happening and has his character swing into action. Swinging across the street, the character lands on a car roof and spouts: "Name's Blackout and you better stop messing with the space freak and the superjock or it's lights out!" GM: "Make a Presence Attack" Player: "Uh... a 4" Us: "Way to go, I don't think even the cops notice you!"

Eventually Player A (later known as Jackhammer) and Crystal start hitting each other with a police car. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! GM rolls some dice... GM: "The car is burning and is going to explode" Jackhammer: "What! Crystal is in there I have to get her out!" US: "You've been hitting her with a CAR! Do you think a 12d6 gas tank explosion is going to slow her down?" GM: "BOOM!!! Oh, and by the way, Jackhammer? You know that mystery disad? It's x 1 1/2 from fire...."

Great PC Line: "You can't get out of the trouble I can get into."

Sure He Is!: I used the Blood (from Blood and Dr. McQuark by Aaron Allston) in my game. One Player uttered the following: "What are you talking about? The Affrighter's dead, the timeline says he died in 1949."

Other Players: "Yeah... Right!"

How to Scare the Heck out of Your PCs Dept.: In one game the PCs arrive to find that the villains have been tearing up the town (literally). A Greyhound bus lies on it's side in the street, and one of the bad guys stands near it. Spotting our heroes, he starts walking towards them, casually pushing the bus aside as he goes. (Note: this is just when 4th Ed came out and Casual STR came into use). PCs see this and the wheels start turning... "Lessee, you can use you your Casual STR to move something and not interrupt your move, and Casual STR is one half of your full STR and it takes how much STR to move a bus?" "Forty" "F-f-forty! He ain't hittn' me!!!"

Later, That Same Fight: Two PCs are fighting the 80 STR nightmare mentioned above (his name: Behemoth). One is Sapphire, a 30 STR martial artist and the other is Red Shift, an Ultraboy clone. Fight sorta runs like this: Sapphire swings, hits and doesn't really affect Behemoth's 35 PD, Behemoth swings and misses. Eventually, Red Shift hits him with a truck, Behemoth grabs the truck and swats Red Shift with it. Red Shift tries to Block. Block fails and WHAM! Red Shift gets tent-pegged into the street. Behemoth then picks up the remaining piece of pickup and smashes Sapphire with it. Sapphire: "I dodge" Me: "Okay, but that's a mighty nice 1-hex truck he's holding there." Sapphire: "Oh..." Behemoth: WHAM! Behemoth ended up getting wiped out by Daystar, the 15 year old psychic, who had just shown up. (Behemoth had a Vulnerability to mental powers....)

Player Precog Dept: This is one I did. The scene is the opening of a fight (well, it was going to be a fight real soon) between the Northern Lights, a Canadian super team, and members of the Tarot Conspiracy. My character, Koyotie, is standing near a guy who's called The Fool. GM: "Phase 12, roll off." Me: "Roll off? I got a DEX of 30!" GM: "Yep, roll off." (I lose) GM: "Okay, The Fool is going to move..." Me: "I Dodge." GM: "Excuse me? I didn't declare an action yet." Me: "So? I Dodge." (The Fool's intended punch didn't even come close to my DCV of 17)

How to get Killed Without Really Trying Dept: Same character (Koyotie) different fight. Koyotie has 15 Body, 35 Stun and some 11- activation Armor. We get into a fight with the Renegades, a nasty collection of villains. Koyotie starts out dueling with Slasher, so named for the long knife she carries. End result? Slasher out, Koyotie down 5 Body from two hits. Koyotie then takes out the Rook, the Renegades brick. Turning around she states "Who's next?" to the rest of the team. Candy Girl (a Batmanish theme villain) tosses her 'Atomic Fireball'. BOOM!!! 10 Body, 50 Stun... Killing. My armor doesn't activate and I take the full 10 Body. On top of that... Koyotie takes 2 x Stun from EKAs (accelerated nervous system don't you know). So, she's down to 0 Body, -75 Stun. Eclipse, another member of the Northern Lights (and Koyotie's part time love interest) states: "I go Enraged". GM: "You don't have an enraged." Eclipse: "I do now!"

Say What? Dept: PCs are fighting a bunch of alien soldiers who have infiltrated the planet in order to eventually conquer it. The aliens are armed/armored pretty much like Star Wars stormtroopers, except they can shoot better. So... Digital, team brick, Superleaps across the battlefield. The alien grav-carrier sights in with it's 4d6 RKA, Double Autofire attack (an old 3rd Edition advantage that gave one 20 shots and +6 OCV). Since 3rd Edition meant one was 0 DCV while Superleaping... Well... let's say that no else has yet to top -175 Stun... Digital's player upon hitting the ground: "I'm still receiving!" Us: "You're what?"

Way to Go Dept: Same fight as above. The aliens buried their starship in order to hide it. Access was by a small wooden building (looking like a workshop) over the main hatch. One of the players has his character, The Crimson Blade, run inside and hides in the roof supports, waiting for a couple of stormtroopers to open the hatch. Sure enough two troopers walk inside. Blade gets ready to jump them. At that moment another player hits the communicator switch. Blade, hiding in the roof hears the radio on his belt come to life. "Hey Blade, seen 'em yet?" Two stormtroopers look up. Blade, thinking quickly yells "Surprise!" covers his eyes, and activates his Flash attack.

Dumbest PC Line Ever Uttered Dept: Same fight as above. PCs have gotten inside the alien spaceship and are in a desperate firefight with the enemy, trying to free one of their number. One of the characters (his name escapes me) is a shamanistic type. I ask "What do you do?" Player: "I use my magic sense and look for any evidence of sorcery in action." Stunned silence follows.

Second Dumbest PC Line Ever Uttered Dept: "Surrender now or swim out in your own blood." (This was a 4-color game and this was supposed to be one of the heroes....)

A Few Smooth Moves: Tossing the 8d6 Explosive fireball at a target 6 hexes away.

Blowing your Sorcery Skill roll and getting hit with a 6d6 Flash Side Effect, for 8 Phases (see ya later!)

Stealthing down the street and rolling a 17, tripping over a trash can and alerting everyone.

Trying to go up the side of a building, rolling an 18 on your Climbing and having the the rusty fire escape peel off the wall and fall on you.

That's Gotta Hurt! Dept: The game is Sengoku, Japan in the Age of War (1541). Most of the characters are samurai and fights are nasty!

In one fight, the GM rolls a '3'. He tells us that in his games a natural '3' means that one can either elect for max damage or hit location of choice. He decided that the attacking NPC is going to hit the PC in his unarmored face. Dice are rolled and a '4' comes up. Double for a head hit and Yabu (the PC) takes 8 Body to his face... eycuh!

That's Gotta Hurt! Dept II: Jiro and Junzo (two samurai PCs) are fighting some bandits. Both get jumped by the bandit leader, who unleashes his Autofire attack at the duo. Jiro, having just done a Sweep is DCV 5, Junzo is something like 10 or 11. The bandit leader misses Jiro totally, but plants his katana in Junzo's head. End result? Junzo takes 12 Body and 60 Stun to his head! Subtracting for his DEF 7 helmet, (and figuring 2 x Body for a head hit) and he takes 10 Body and (oh...) 50 Stun. Later, Jiro removes Junzo's helmet and has it split in half in his hands...

Get a Clue Dept: Same game (Sengoku). One of the players created a peasant. Why? I have no clue. With all the possibilities available, why anyone would want to be at the bottom of the social order is beyond me... Anyway, being a peasant the PC gets no armor, and no real weapons. He did design a 125 point martial arts... uh... "master". Anyway for a while, every fight went like this: PC jumps into battle, throws a Spinning Side Kick and then gets swatted in location 13 (vitals). This happened in something like 4 fights. So, the PC gets promoted to ashigaru status and is given a spear and simple armor. He dumps the armor... why? "Lowers my DCV!" Next fight he runs into battle and promptly gets swatted in location 13....

SSDD Dept: In the Silent Möbius Zeta game one of the PCs is a devil-hunting swordsman. For some reason when ever he hits his target he rolls a location of '6', the hand. It got so bad that at one point he hit and I said, "Don't worry, he's just going to lop the hand off." Sure enough, the Player rolled a location of '6'. If looks could kill, they'd taken me away in a basket.

World's Greatest PRE Attack Dept: The Incredible Bulk (yes, that was the name) is surrounded by a bunch of Viper agents while standing in a pasture. When asked by the GM what he does, the Player responds: "I bite the head off of a cow!" Needless to say the assorted Viper agents pass out to a man! (Okay, so this wasn't high drama here, but it sure broke US up upon hearing it!)

Did You Get the Number of that Truck? Dept: The PCs are stuck in a alternate future that uses a lot of anime influences. The team brick, Sentinel, is face to face with Ran (the world's most powerful psychokinetic—did you ever see AKIRA? Think Tetsuo). Anyway, Ran delivers a 30d6 attack that does 36 Body and 124 Stun AND 26" of KB. The other PCs were most impressed as Sentinel's unconscious body punched through several walls on his way out the building!

Phase 12 Follies: It's the Very First Run of the new anime/cyberpunk campaign Kazei 5. In true Bubblegum Crisis style the PCs have to stop a rampaging cyberdroid. The first PC to act has his character step out into the street, lower his assault cannon and rolls... a '17'. Weapon jam.

Kazei 5 again. Same universe, new game, new players. Same situation
The first PC to act has his character step out into the street, lower his assault cannon, fire a three round burst and roll... a '3'. Instant kill. The GM tells him to roll damage and location. One shoulder hit and two head hits. Damage after defenses? Something like 25 Body... The cyberdroid collapses in a spray of metal fragments.

I Did What? (or: Watching PCs screw themselves over with no help from the GM)
This is one of my favorites... The PC in question had sent his DNPC (a private detective) off to investigate some problem or another. Some time later, the DNPC returns with a woman in tow. Standing on the dock facing the PC's houseboat, the DNPC calls "Hey Blade, I need to see you, can I come aboard?" PC: "Sure, and bring your friend with you!"

Well, the PC and the women get to talking, and she wants to hire him to investigate another NPC who she says is a vampire. The PC believes none of this and goes to the bar to get the woman a drink. He turns his back, and the woman 30 STR slams him into the wall (guess who's the real vampire?) The PC shouts "Blake! (The DNPC) I need help!" The woman states, "Yes, he needs help, come here." DNPC: "Yes, of course, Master." At this moment the Player eyes get real big and the wheels kick in. Thought balloon: "She's a vampire... he's a vampire... but how did they get on board? Oh wait, Blake said 'Hey Blade, I need to see you, can I come aboard?' and I said 'Sure, and bring your friend with you!'....." His expression was priceless!

Mistakes Were Made:
The PCs are fighting Killer Frost (yeah, pretty much DC's Killer Frost) who absorbs heat, and does not generate cold. The PCs don't know this (yet) and one of them unloads his big 8d6 Flame Blast into her. Net result? She takes 0 Stun after defenses and has her Endurance pumped to something like 120 END...

Unclear on the Concept:
Titan, the 100 STR brick, Haymakers some hapless agent... GM: "There's a splattering of blood across your faceplate as his head departs from his body and smashes through the roof." Titan's player couldn't figure out why the GM had the government take the suit away and deport him either....

Oops! Dept: In a Fantasy Hero game, one of the NPCs decided to take a peek at the two female characters bathing. One of the female PCs catches him at it and whacks him in the head with a stick. The GM, going for amusement value, asks for a damage roll (10 STR + 2d6 for a stick = 4d6). The end result (something like 6 Body) results in a concussion after hit location mods are figured in....

Taking it on the Chin: I'm playing Mr. America, a true Super Hero! and I'm up vs Lenny, who's... oh... about 12 feet tall? Anyway, I declare a delay (and use my STR to brace vs KB) and Lenny swings at me. He hits and after PD is subtracted Mr. America is a) not stunned, b) still standing. I declare: "Haymaker" and promptly one shot Lenny through the wall! (not a great story, but boy it was fun at the time!)

Where do They get These Guys? Dept: Mr. America again. This time it's a fight with agents of Viper and Mr. America just got blasted by some supergun. Laying on the ground, another agent runs up to finish him off. Mr. America looks up, points in the air, and yells "Look! The Winged Victory of Samothrace!" The GM says: "Yeah, right, like he's going to believe that!" and promptly rolls a '17' as an INT roll. A moment later the unconscious Viper agent is flying through the air.

We Could be in Trouble!
The PCs are squaring off versus the Denier when Sentinel, team brick, hefts a tree trunk to toss at the villain. Denier points his fist and promptly blows the chunk of tree into splinters. PC: "Okay, plan B...."

Sorry About That, Chief....
Okay, it's the first fight with the new PCs and Rogue, with a 30 DEX is ready to dish it out to the bad guys. GM: "Phase 12." Rogue: "I...." GM: "Wait, someone goes before you." Rogue: "Wha...?" To add insult to injury, the faster character Entangles our hero, just in time for Mad Marvin, psycho with a gun, to unload a full burst. GM: "So Rogue, what's your resistant PD?" Rogue: "Zero." GM: "Uh...." (The GM changed it to a normal attack ['plastic bullets'], Rogue was out but not dead....)

Sorry About That, Chief.... Part II.
Player A has his character Entangled, when Player B has his character fly over and fire a 4d6 EKA to cut him out. Of course, it's a Transparent Entangle and upon being told the damage Player A looks over and says: "I'm dead." The GM changed that result as well....

Character names NOT use: Rectifier. Think about it....

With Friends Like These (also known as "LA Cops ain't got nothing on us!)
In the Silent Möbius Zeta game the PCs are cops, members of the Attacked Mystification Police (hey, it's not MY name!). Anyway, said cops are supposed to be "law abiding"... Yeah...

In the very first encounter, the PCs are dealing with a Lovecraftian blob that turns the people it kills into horrific zombies. Before going into action the commander (a PC) tells the other officers to minimalize property damage. So... the commander uses her 55 STR TK to pick up the blob and slam it into a far wall—result? 16 BODY to both the wall and monster, the next TK slam did 15 BODY.... Needless to say the office building the fight took place in got some unasked for remodeling.

In the same fight, one of the officers draws his Graviton (a massive pistol that fires... well, I don't know what it uses as ammo, but what ever it hits blows up real good!), points it a zombie and fires. Well, the zombie was standing between TWO other officers and the resulting explosion coated them with goo.... "Looks like the zombie's brains just hit you in the back of the head...."

And if you remember my comment about the PC that could only hit people in the hand? Well, he expertly lopped off three in this fight... starting an amusing (to us anyway) trend.