GM: "You get two points of English."
Nestor: "Can [Ragnar] only take one point and talk funny?"
Septimus: "There's a damsel to be rescued."
Sir Patris: "Is she pretty?"
Septimus: "She's eight."
Sir Patris: "It's an investment."
Ragnar explains how to count: "One, two, some, many, lots, mine!"
Michael: "Wait, female wizard versus 30 skeletons. Hentai doujins start this way."
OOC: "Septimus sense tingling!"
Grady (OOC): Zafi's here, no wonder my danger sense went off."
Michael: "Skeletons with swords? That means we're fighting Ray Harryhausen!"
Grady: "That means they are all stop motion. All we need to do is find the camera."
Steve: *spit-take*
Sir Patris hits a skeleton for so much BODY (27 to be exact) the GM takes the mini off of the table and puts it away. "I won't even use this one for the next fight."
Josh (IC): "No s**t, Sherlock!"
Nestor (OOC): "That's a funny dialect of Arabic."
Repeated comment by all: "Math is hard."
Steve has made die rolls by 4, 5, 5, 6, and 10 (and so on).
Michael: "Someone get a bucket of water! Steve's dice are on fire!"
Grady (OOC): "The Shambling Mound is a larger version of the much smaller relative: the Shambling Almond Joy."
GM: "What's [Septimius's] PER Rolls?"
Grady: "14-, I bought a 23 INT for a reason."
GM: "In the middle of your climb, Zafi starts casting a spell."
Ross: "Veskar hits the dirt."
Steve: "Patris dispels magic by hitting it."
GM to Nestor: "What are you doing."
Mike: *sees Nestor's die roll of '15'* "Missing."
Nestor: "Exactly." *starts laughing*
Grady: "Patris's Presence Attacks work."
Josh: "That's 'cause he's the hero."
Grady's comment on the villain having Mental Defense: "What a knob."
Michael (OOC, after being told the mysterious enemy is covered in spikes): "Whatever it is, it's first name is 'dire'!"
Patris: So... no one has any prior experience fighting demons?"
Veskar on his knowledge of how to kill demons and devils: "The kitchen staff talk."
GM: "The kitchen staff?"
Veskar: It's very hot in the kitchen."
Several people after being told the enemies have yellow blood. "It bleeds. We can kill it."
Michael's advice to the attacking devils: "Eat the wizards, the fighters are tough and stringy."
GM: "[Ragnar's] wound is poisoned."
Michael's OOC advice to Sir Patris on how to employ his Paramedics. "Suck [the poison] out."
Steve (Patris): Where'd [Ragnar] get hit?"
Nestor (Ragnar): *stands and slaps his rear*
"The nexus chainsaw massacre."
Raganr: "Remember that delay I had? I want to turn it into a dive for cover."
Zafira says the worst thing possible a mage can say: "Oops."
Patris sees the dice the GM is picking up: "Wah! What's all that?"
"You are now clinging face-first onto the wall."
Josh on Zafira's spell: "It's a precision attack."
Nestor: "Not anymore."
Michael on Zafira's Side Effects: "I'm going to write on the front of her tunic: 'this side toward enemy'."
GM to Grady: "What's your DCV?"
Grady: "I have introduced you to my friends Jack and sh*t?"
Nestor: "And Jack's left town."
Grady (Shen Yu): "If I have to bring down the down the Force Wall with my own limp carcass, so be it."
OOC comment on a character's attack spells: "You don't have an AOE, you are an AOE."
GM: "Who has Lightsleep?"
Michael: "My other character."
Ross makes his character's Stealth Roll by 9.
Steve: "Veskar has left the building."
Ross on the Skaven: "We prefer 'Rodent American'."
Grady: "We return and give a report, and don't mention all the things we did not do."
The GM on why the all-male Ork race has a goddess in their pantheon: "It's religion, don't think about it too hard."
Michael notes the GM has his VHS collection stacked in (roughly) alphabetical order. This leads to such combos as:
Grease The Golden Child
Final Destination Fight Club
A Few Good Men Falling Down
*Josh rolls 4+1+1 and says "5"*
GM: "Josh? What is 4+2?"
Josh: "2."
GM: "I'm watching your dice all night."
GM: "An attack beagle. With tentacles."
"Somebody just sacked the sorceress!"
The GM on his die rolling efforts: "You've made me toss out 9 dice tonight."
Mike's OOC explanation on why Josh's character blasted a friend: "I don't know what happened! [The vampire] looked into my eyes and I felt compelled to shoot!"
GM: "...repel the hordes."
Ross: "The what?"
Several people: "The hordes!"
"He started with a cantrip... Bigby's Middle Finger."
GM: "Insanity is not limited to Norway."
"'Veskar' must be Skaven for Wolverine or something."
"Julius Caesar in an orc suit!"
"My ass does not like to be surprised."
Veskar: "This unworthy one will work for free."
Patris: "I understand that Veskar, but you still need to eat."
GM: "He's also chomping at the bit. He also wants to make a name for himself."
Michael (OOC): "Other than 'the guy who got captured'."
"Sir Patris! I have... oh, damn."
"She kept telling a higher power she'd be arriving soon."
**Ragnar has been spinning a story to the local ladies that Martin was so smitten by the sight of a elvish woman that he's forsworn all others.**
"This is why Martin no longer goes out drinking with Ragnar."
There's your problem. The child's been set to 'evil'."
"They have 'knight' vision? Patris is in trouble."
One of the PCs triggers an alarm: "The door is open, but... I think there were strings attached."
Ragnar: "I don't need beer goggles, I have low expectations.
"Where's that chef when you need him?"
"My shadow is going after his ass."
**Veskar the Skaven starts using Secret Ninja Hand Signals**
"You're just having fun with your paws, aren't you?"
"He doesn't have Area Of Effect fists, does he?"
"Oh my god! I thought those guys were friendlies, my bad."
He turned it into a Kevorkian scarf."
"Patris makes with the awesome even when he doesn't know what he's doing."
"What's the difference between 'quaff' and 'gulp'?"
"Quaff has panache."
'Yes, you can do Teamwork with yourself, but it gets you arrested in most states."
"Shan Yu, the Murdering Poet."
"I think I broke the scribe."
A suggestion on how to assault the enemy: "First we build a giant wooden badger..." (it went downhill from there)
"The role of Ragnar will be played by Bill Paxton."
After seeing the map covered in minis: "I think there's a Skaven coin-op machine over in the corner. Some guy's feeding money in and pulling the handle to get all of these."
Steve: "What?"
Mike: "Check the bottom-most power."
Steve: "Poor swimmer?"
Mike: "... the one above that."
Mike: "Can we have on Zafi's front 'this side towards enemy'?"
Veskar: "It's okay, I'm not a people person."
Mike: "Can I push my STUN?"
Mike: "I think this is going to turn into a James Bond adventure where we all wake up in a deathtrap."
Mike: "How tough can this guy be? He has a hula-hoop on the end of his glaive."
Nestor on Patris tendency to be over competitive: "Well, I'm even more unconscious than you!"
Veskar: "New plan, I kill him and you run away."
(it worked, too...)
Grady: "Call the fire department, Shan Yu is stuck on the roof, and can't get down."
Martin Shippton's dark elf lover appears. Her name is Amayultare, but no one can pronounce it, so she gets dubbed "Angelcakes."
There's some bluebooking over on the Daybreak Rising mailing list, and someone ended their entry with:
"Why, it's..."
To which the next poster added:
"...the Spanish Inquisition!"
Followed by:
I wasn't expecting that....
And then:
"NOOOOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise! ...Surprise and fear... fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... Amongst our weapons.... Hmf... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surpr.... I'll come in again."
'tis a silly place.
Comments on fighting Skaven during winter:
"Charlie's in the snow!"
"Charlie don't ski!"
I'm not going to provide context, it's funnier this way: "Can we go back to the poo jokes?"
Steve: "We'll go with Plan B."
Mike: "Use more fire?"
Steve: "Stick a knife in them."
Mike: [Patris] is so good [in a fight] he doesn't have to be there."
Steve: "I don't want to be all 'I am Sir Patris, you are Sir Kath, I will crush you under my heel.' I want to be more subtle than that."
Patris: "When you charge into combat, make sure you hit as many foes as possible. As I have just done."
"He's no good as an assassin. He has no style. He kills things."
"But he's too obvious about it."
GM: As far as the torchlight reaches there's nothing.
Mike: However, the GM has brought every [Skaven] mini he owns.
GM: You did enough STUN that the guy behind him needs to take a recovery.
The "bad-word" sword.
Grady: "Phase 3 is usually such a kill-fest."
Ross: "Stop! Stiletto time."
"Flying Mind Squids"
Mike's response to a long and detailed explanation of magic: "What's a cubit?"
"Not only did he cut himself an escape route, he's invented the game of golf."
Michael attempts a haiku:
Skaven blood
white snow
very black
Veskar describes a dream: "The flames coalesced into four figures..." **he pauses and corrects himself** "...five figures."
Several others: "Three, sir."
Veskar: "You think I didn't survive? You think I might be dead?"
Veskar: "Do you want me to turn over my weapons? Lock myself up? Wear a leash?"
Patris OOC: "He's the upper flaky crust of the Skaven community."
Martin on the ultimate game elements: "Monkeys with shotguns versus Nazi zombies."
GM: "[The suitor] exists."
Veskra: "Not for long."
Patris sums up his world view: "I am Sir Patris. I am afraid of no one or no thing."
Martin on the GM's thought process: "How much STUN can she take and still have it be funny?"
Zafi rolls a 16 on a 15- Activation: "I don't know what happened... usually that works!"
Shan Yu: "I abort to hide under the bed!"
The GM replies to the question of "Did I hear anything?": "It's a bunch of ninja and a shadow mage!"
Zafi describes a spell as two hands opening up a hole in a wooden wall.
Martin thinks for a minute [OOC]: "Goatse?"
Zafi OOC: "Except it's made of wood."
Martin OOC: "That's not making it any better."
[WARNING: If you don't know what 'goatse' is, don't look it up! Ignorance is bliss! You have been warned! If you must—use wikipedia.]
Veskar rolls a 17 on his 'make an antidote' roll: "Here, use this."
GM: "[The NPC] goes into convulsions."
Veskar: "That's perfectly normal."
Ragnar OOC: "You're a petty, petty little man."
Patris OOC: "Yes I am."
Shan Yu sees the oncoming dragon turtle: "I don't think joint break is going to work on this."
Ragnar (maybe OOC): "A cockatrice is the more dangerous relative of the cockaduce."
Patris OOC: "I don't speak merfolk."
Martin OOC: "Do you speak whale?"
Suggestion to Patris on how to deal with the dragon turtle: "Why don't you romance the dragon, it worked for Donkey."
Shan Yu: "The shadow mage [a.k.a. Shan Yu] appears in front of Shan Yu."
Multiple: "Say what?"
Martin OOC: "He's bi-locating."
Martin OOC: "Do you have change for a cockatrice?"
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