THE COMING OF MUNIHAUSEN --- PART TWO MSTied by: Jamie Jeans and Michael Surbrook JAMIE JEANS: Hello everyone! This is my thirteenth fan fic and second Lemon that I have MSTied. I am glad to have gone this far and still retain my sanity. Although that's unlikely by the time I am done with this fan fic. I am also glad to be sharing the MSTing of this dreadful fan fic with a good MSTier himself, Michael Surbrook. Enough kissing up I suppose! Be very careful when you read this! It is horrible! Oh the humanity of it all! Anyhow, enjoy! MICHAEL SURBROOK: Enjoy he says... How did I get roped into this? Oh well, this is what I get for asking if I could co-MST something using one of the ladies as a guest star... I must tell you that I've only skimmed and I don't even think that I would be able to take much of this without falling ill... Well, you have been warned. Legal stuff: The characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. Please don't sue me for I am only borrowing your characters, not making any claims on them. Marta Nys belongs to Michael Surbrook whom I thank for allowing into this MSting! Now, on with the show! __________________________________________________________ "Hey Mike, it's been awhile since the Mads called. Do you think everything is all right down there," Tom asked. "I don't know. Maybe that whole thing with the Transporter knocked out all the controls and that in Deep 13," Mike said, sounding hopeful. "Well don't just stand there you lump of flesh, call them," a newly repaired Crow said. "Okay, okay! Geez, you've certainly been bossy ever since your head exploded." "Oh he's still mad over his favorite anime girl being written into such a lame fic," Tom said. "Well at least my head only exploded *once* Mr. I'm the number one Power Rangers fan," Crow shot back. "Take that back," Tom said. "Make me!" "Fan boy!" "Otaku!" The bots went at it and the sounds of metallic combat filled the air. Mike ignored them for the moment and tapped the red button, calling up Deep 13 on the hex screen. "Hello is anyone there," he asked. DEEP 13 Even more smoke was swirling about in Deep 13 then there had been before. Someone coughed in the background and then something went click. The sound of fans coming to life filled the air and soon, all the smoke was sucked out of the lab. Deep 13 was brutally damaged... again. Dr. Forrester came onto the hex screen and coughed into his hand, his ensemble of clothes not only black and charred everywhere, nut also shredded in a few spots as well. "Hello Nelson. *COUGH* Sorry about the mess but Frank screwed up on the Transporter this time. Instead of sending you those two Power Ranger cross over self insertion fics, it fizzled out and brought someone here." The scientist looked over his shoulder and gulped nervously. When next he spoke, it was a near whisper. "Hopefully, Frank will have the Transporter running soon and our guest gone." "Can't you work any faster you fat slob," a female voice rang through the air. SATELLITE OF LOVE "And who is your female guest," Mike asked. DEEP 13 "Hey! Who you talking to? You're supposed to be working!" the female voice said again, coming onto the hex screen. Standing at about five feet five inches tall and wearing a tight fitting black body suit, the unknown woman had the sort of well-defined and well-proportioned body one normally associated with fitness models. Leaning towards the hex screen, she pushed the bangs on her waist length black hair out of her face and frowned at Mike and the bots. Marta Nys, right out of the Hero System anime/cyberpunk world known as Kazei Five, turned her attention back to Dr. Forrester. "And why are you wasting *my* time talking to *them* when you could be helping that idiot fix your Transporter?" she snapped, popping her finger razors menacingly. "Ah... I was just about to Ms. Nys, but I thought that it would be best to get rid of the smoke so that we can work better." "Good. You wouldn't want to make me angry, now would you?" Marta replied, the smile on her face growing into a predatory one. Dr. Forrester chuckled nervously and quickly went to help Frank. With assistant and scientist working, the Transporter pad was up and operational. "Now if you'll step onto the pad Marta, we shall have you home in no time," Dr. Forrester said. Marta growled at him in annoyance and stepped onto the Transporter pad, feeling both eager to get home and angry that she had ended up in such a dump. As Frank activated the Transporter, Marta shimmered from view. "Enjoy the fan fic! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Dr. Forrester continued his laughing even as he pushed Frank out of the way and typed new commands into the control board. Halfway though the transport, Marta was redirected, not back to her home dimension, but up to the Satellite of Love instead. SATELLITE OF LOVE "Did Dr. Forrester do what I think he did?" Tom asked, his fighting with Crow having stopped earlier. "I believe so," Mike said, looking around the room and seeing Marta reappearing. Marta took one look at her surroundings and the hex screen before going berserk. "Forrester, you bastard!" she screamed. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to ****ing kill you!" DEEP 13 "My my, such language for a lady. But alas, I will not hear much of it now for it's time for your experiment. And boy is it bad. It's called The Coming of Munihausen, Part 2. Enjoy! Or not! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Frank joined in the laughing as he fiddled with the Transporter controls, beaming up a fresh pile of paper with the fan fic on it. He then tapped a second button, closing down the link to Deep 13. SATELLITE OF LOVE Mike and Tom looked rather worried for their welfare while Crow watched, mouth agape and drooling, at the sight of the deadly cyber-samurai in her tight fighting bodysuit. "Gyah!" was all his brain could think of him to say at the moment. "Uh...." Mike began, unsure of what to say in order to calm down the woman. "Marta, I'm sorry to tell you this but we're going to have movie sign in a few moments and." Marta whirled to face him, a snarl twisting her features and a very large pistol in her hand. Mike gulped nervously and continued. "You need to come with us or die when this room has all of it's oxygen sucked out." This seem to get through to Marta - whose temper was legendary in the Kazei Five world - and she calmed down a bit. Breathing heavily, she relaxed a bit and fixed Mike with a vicious smile. "I guess you're right. After all, I can't kill that crackpot when *I'm* dead now can I?" The sirens came on and the lights began to flash, indicating that the fan fic had arrived. "We've got fan fic sign!" Mike and the bots shouted as they ran into the theater. (DOOR SEQUENCE: Well... Marta is still pissed at being where she is and smashes in doors seven to one, leaving jagged scraps of metal in her wake) Mike, carrying Tom in his arms, takes the second seat and places Tom in the third. Crow sits in the first and Marta plops down in the fourth. MARTA: So you guys do this too? MIKE: You've done this before? MARTA: Quite a few times already. CROW: Breasts... MARTA : Why thank you. TOM: I think you need to turn Crow's facet off. > THE COMING OF MUNIHAUSEN --- PART TWO > (A Sailor Moon/Urotsukidouji crossover) > By the Great Red Serpent CROW AND MARTA: MIKE: Oh great! A female version of Crow. TOM: And you have a problem with this? > MIKE: Prepare the e-mail bombs Tom! TOM: You got it! > "Don't be too sure about that." Buju informed the > other makemonos as he approached. "They're all mine, and I > intend to fuck them all!" MARTA: Did we miss something? CROW: Hopefuly yes. > Without hesitation, the dick was removed from Usagi's > mouth and the tounge from her pussy. The snakelike appen- > dages sucking on her nipples ceased and Usagi was thrown TOM: ARGH! The fan fic is a lemon! MARTA: Eyuck! It's a lemon with those stupid Sailor Scouts! MIKE: Weren't you watching the beginning? MARTA: No. Did I *look* like I was? > into the wall, hard, but her flight was blocked by the re- > mains of the Sailor V game. Her back hit the corner of the > game's case with a loud crack, and it was a miracle her spine > didn't snap. Nevertheless, it hurt like hell, and she > screamed like a banshee from the pain. CROW: Which is totally unlike screaming from a Demon from hell. > The four makemonos circled Buju, and one snarled, > "You're not gettin' this one from us, asshole!" MARTA: So this Buju already scored with the other four Sailor scouts? CROW: That's Senshi. And it certainly looks like it. MARTA: Lucky guy. Hey, isn't Buju from Dragonball Z? > Buju didn't take well to people telling him no, so TOM: He went on a killer rampage. > he went for his sword. The makemono who had just made that > first statement lunged at him, and Buju brought his sword > down in a vertical line, chopping off the makemono's left > arm. "You muthafucka!" the makemono scremed in pain as he MIKE: Watch your language young man or else I won't be sewing your arm back on. CROW: Good call Tom. > jumped at Buju this time, going for his head. Buju just > ducked and swung at him again, cutting off both his legs in > one swipe. When he was flat on the ground, Buju went up and > stabbed him. CROW: Operations these days will cost you an arm and a leg. > "You fuckin' asshole!!!!" another makemono screamed as > the remaing three charged at him from different directions. MARTA: Hah, that trick never works! Haven't these guys ever watched a Toshiro Mifune film? TOM: Shouldn't he be the villian? He's killed Sailor Moon. MARTA: And you have a problem with this? CROW: He doesn't but I do! TOM: Fan boy! MARTA: Pathetic. > Buju swung at one, cutting him in half lengthwise, but the > other two were able to get to his back. One stabbed a knife > into his right shoulder, while the other grabbed his penis and > was in the process of tying it in a knot. MIKE: MARTA: Oh! That's gotta hurt! > Buju pushed back with his right elbow, ramming it straight > into the stomach of the makemono with the knife, knocking him > down as well as causing him to pull the knife out of the shoul- CROW: Out of whose shoulder again? I forgot. > der. Buju howled in pain as the knife left; the angle at which > its possessor was holding it caused it to tear into even more > of his flesh, his blood squirting all over the remaining make- > monos. As for the makemono attempting to tie his penis in a > knot, Buju spun around quickly and caused that one to lose his > grip on the dick. "You fucking pervert!" Buju yelled as he > went in for the kill. MARTA: Wonder why he let him hang on for so long? CROW: I like you! MIKE: You would! MARTA: And what does that mean!? MIKE: Uh nothing, nothing. > Buju lopped the head off that makemono, and turned to MARTA: Anyone care to tell me what the hell a *makemono* is? Is that anything like a *bakemono*? > face the remaining one. "Do you still think you can take me on?" > He asked coldly. TOM: He must have had a breath mint earlier. CROW: I would if I had been sucking on.... MIKE: CROW!!! CROW: What? MARTA: > The last makemono ran for dear life as Buju laughed and > turned to face Usagi. "Now let's see if your pussy's worth > the trouble I went through to get it!" MARTA: It's not. I mean, I sure wouldn't go through that much trouble for one of *them*. Mai Shirunai on the other hand... > Usagi had long since stopped screaming and was now un- > conscious due to the shock of the extreme trauma she had been > subjected to. Laying on the ground with the blood of the slain > makemonos splattered all over her naked body, she was helpless > against Buju's advance. Buju bent over the body and started > fondling her nipples with one hand while sliding his tongue > all across the length of her pussy. Noticing her cherry was MIKE AND THE BOTS: MARTA: What? you mean you guys can't stand this? MIKE: We have certain... standards up here.... MARTA: Cowards. > still intact, he said to himself, "Mmmmm, so this is what a > virgin tastes like." He darted his tongue deep inside her MARTA: Mmmm! Tastes like chicken! MIKE: Hoo boy. > love-hole a few times and from there started nibbling on her > clit. Her body was still warm and tender, and so he found it > strange that she didn't respond. TOM: I'm not seeing this! Lalalalalalalala..... > Her lack of response caused him to figure her for dead, CROW: Well D'oh! > and to him it was no fun raping a corpse; he enjoyed it too > much when the victim could scream. "Some gratitude for saving > your life," he thought to himself, as he got up, kicked her, > and then walked away. MIKE: Oh great, a masochist. MARTA: Uh... Buju, how could you have saved her when she's *dead*? > ------------------------------------------------------------ TOM: Hey look! The plot line! MARTA: About as flat as some women I know... MIKE: CROW!!! CROW: What! I didn't say anything! MIKE: Sorry. Force of habit. > On the outskirts of what was left of Tokyo, Mamoru was > faring only slightly better. Almost as soon as he had reached > the 2020's he was jumped by a gang of eight makemonos and had MIKE: The confusion I'm feeling makes me want to go back and read Part 1 to remedy it. CROW: Really? MIKE: No. MARTA: You would read part one of this? Willingly? > barely escaped with his life. Badly beaten and sore all over > from the fight, he limped his way to the basement of the > devastated mansion next to the site of his arrival. Most of > the foundation had been crumpled and burned to the ground, > but Mamoru was able to find an opening to a subterranean room > that appeared to be completely undamaged. TOM: It was the batcave. MARTA: I'm Batman. > The room's walls seemed to have been made of the finest > marble, with a floor made out of pure jade. The ceiling, also > of jade, was domed, thus making the room appear to be higher > than it really was. The furnishings were extravagant, being > made of the finest gold or silver, and upholstered with the > finest hides available. This could have been a king's bed- > chamber, if there were any kings left to occupy it. But in CROW: It's like I'm there! > any case, this seemed to Mamoru to be as good a place as any > to rest, and even though he wanted to go on to find his be- > loved Usako, the wounds from the severe beating he took from > the makemonos forced him to stay there for awhile. > > ------------------------------------------------------------ MARTA: Highway 97 North is empty tonight. > Back in 1993, the senshi, the cats, and Chibi-Usa were MIKE AND THE BOTS: ARGH! CROW: Anyone but her! MARTA: Who's that?! > all gathered in front of Rei's temple, discussing the morning's > encounter with Munihausen. Ami described him to Chibi-Usa, > and Chibi-Usa confirmed that that sounded just like the man > in her dream. MIKE: Don't say a single word Crow. MARTA: Hah! Then I will! It was a wet dream. TOM: Ugh! I can't believe you said that. MARTA: Well, without Shion here to stop me, I can practically say anything I want. > "Well, we know he's not from the Black Moon," Rei said, MARTA: Oh! I *loved* that album. TOM: Pardon? MARTA: Black Moon by Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Ling Ling and I spent most of one night making l... Why am I telling you this? > "but now the problem is how to find him." TOM: The sailor Scout method of investigation! Rule out all the regular enemies before moving onto new and ridiculous ones! MARTA: Hey, it works for the X-men. > "Rei's right," Ami said. "You all heard what he said > about his father, an Overfiend, and all that about ruling the MARTA: An *Overfiend*? There's more then one? > three worlds, whatever all that was about. He's obviously > crazy, and there's no telling what he might do." MARTA: Thank you Miss exposition. > Makoto cut in, "Yeah, he is crazy, thinking he can..." > Rei, out of the surge of a newly resurfacing memory, > interrupted Makoto in mid-sentence, "Overfiend! Yeah, now I > remember!" > "Remember what?" Minako asked. MIKE: He's from that hentai I rented the other night! Oops! Spoke aloud again! MARTA: Yeah, he was so *big* and *strong* and... Aw forget it, that's sick... CROW: Please, no references to Henry J Cobb! > "When I was younger, Grandpa used to tell me a story to > put me to bed. He said that some people once believed there ALL: MARTA: Way to go Gramps! *Legend of the Overfiend* the bedtime story. Sure to keep the kids up *all* night! CROW: Sounds like he's related to Noboyuki. > were three worlds, the Makai, where there were only demons and > evil creatures; the Jujinkai, where the people there were half > human and half beast; and the Ninjinkai, the human world. He CROW: And then there was the world of naughty tentacles!! MIKE: Crow..... MARTA: Yeah, baby! > also said they believed that every 3,000 years, a being known > as the Chou-jin, the Overfiend, and the god above all gods > would come and purify all three worlds, bringing them to- > gether into a perfect world where everyone can be happy." TOM: It's Disneyland! MARTA: A.K.A. Hell on Earth! > "So what does the crystal have to do with any of this, > Rei?" Makoto asked. MIKE: An improbably plot device... or maybe not. > "I don't know." Rei continued. "But the legend does > say that the person who kills the Overfiend will be the new > Overfiend, and rule over all three worlds. Maybe this guy > thinks the crystal can do that for him." MARTA: Or he could be here for vast amounts of illicit sex with all of the Scouts. CROW: I could really grow to like you! > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > "Hey, asshole, get up!" TOM: Bring back memories Mike? MIKE: Uh... no. > Mamoru lay sleeping on the bed, not even hearing the > command. > "Hey, I said get the fuck up, asshole!" MARTA: Make up your mind, do you want him to get it up, or do you want the service entrance? > This time Mamoru woke up, even more sore than he was > before falling asleep. On a reflex reaction, he grabbed at > the blue-haired man who had been yelling at him. MARTA : You talking to me? > Mamoru grabbed at his throat, but the stranger was too > fast for him. CROW: He had drank his gatorade earlier. MIKE: Shameless product plug # 1. > "That did it, you piece of shit human!" the stranger > yelled as his eyes turned blue and beams shot out at Mamoru, > striking him in the chest and burning off his shirt and the > topmost layer of flesh over his torso. "Now get off the bed TOM: I smell bacon for some reason. > and make room for a lady!" MARTA: Oh great, my sister is there. > Mamoru looked and noticed that the stranger was carrying > a naked, bruised, and bleeding blond in his arms. "Usako!" > he gasped, his voice evidencing the pain he himself was ex- > periencing. CROW: He was so shocked he wrote her name wrong. > "You know her?" the stranger asked. MIKE: I know a Usako, but I don't know Usagi. > Still gasping, and trying to recover his senses from the > pain of having his skin burned of and the joy of seeing his > beloved Usagi again, Mamoru was barely able to articulate an > explanation. "I was her boyfriend. But that son of a bitch... > he used me to get the ginzuishou from her, and... sent us > through... this gate... when he got it." TOM: And now... I talk... like Shatner... > "Ginzuishou? What son of a bitch? Who?" CROW: What, when, why, and how. > "I forgot his... name, but I think it was... Muni, > Muni..." MARTA: Baron von Munchausen? > "Munihausen?" the stranger interjected. MARTA: Oops... my mistake. > "Yeah." > "That fucking piece of shit's still alive? I thought MARTA: There you go, thinking again. > I killed him twenty years ago. But he got the Silver Crystal > from her? That means she's... she's... No, she couldn't be..." > The stranger mumbled. TOM: And yet another pivotal scene in which the hero realizes who Usagi really is. Watch as the crowd can barely contain their excitment. ALL: <*Very* bored> Yay. > "How do you know... about the Silver Crystal?" Mamoru > gasped. "Or Usako?" MIKE: That's Usagi. CROW: Should they be talking while she's bleeding to death? MARTA: I thought she was dead already? > "I know a lot of things you don't. But Sailor Moon was > killed fighting the Chou-jin's cousin back in 1999. This girl > couldn't be her." > "What do you mean 'back in 1999?'" Mamoru asked. "It's > 1993!" The time reference struck Mamoru's brain really strange, MARTA: Yeah, she doesn't have that mole on her... uh... never mind. > but even harder hitting was the reference to the word he had > only heard for the first time from that strange woman: Chou-jin. MARTA: Only half the calories of a regular Jin. > The stranger laughed, "What did you do, get hit on the > head or something? It's 2020 now, and the world's been des- > troyed by Nagumo." MIKE: How did you like that plot twist? I've got a dozen more in the back. > "What? We're in the future? That would explain a lot > of things." CROW: And the brain slowly starts to work.... TOM: Yeah we can see the smoke. > "Yeah, whatever you say. But anyway, your girl's still > alive, but she's real fucked up. I wouldn't try moving her > if I were you." > With that the Jujin flew through the walls and left. MIKE: Accidently slamming Usagi into the wall for he had forgotten to put her on the bed. > ------------------------------------------------------------ MARTA: Naw. I can't think of a good line joke. > In 1993, the senshi had been discussing at length over > tactics to get back Usagi, Mamoru, and the crystal, but after > half an hour the discussion started going around in circles, CROW: Until everyone grew dizzy and passed out. MARTA: Why don't they cut to the chase and have the lesbian orgy now? > while for the whole time not one person or cat, not even Chibi- > Usa, noticed that the crystal on the key she wore around her > neck had been glowing ever since the time of the encounter > that day (no, Chibi-Usa wasn't there, but the key sensed the > gateway of time opening, and responded anyway). TOM: Is Chibi-Usa blind or something? MARTA: My guess is incredibily stupid. MIKE: Must get it from her mother. CROW: Hey don't diss Sailor Moon. > Finally, after all this time, the unnoticed phenomenon > caught Luna's attention. "Chibi-Usa chan," she said, "your > key." > "Yeah, what about it?" > "The crystal on your key, it's glowing!" > Artemis, Chibi-Usa, and the girls all chorused a "Huh?" TOM: Thus showing their collective intelligence in one word. MARTA: > "Yes, it is." Ami commented. "But what could it mean?" > "This key was given to me by Pu so I could go back to > the future after I find my mom and the crystal. But it's not > supposed to glow like that at all." MIKE: In a way, I do wish I had read the first part so that I could figure out just what time in the Sailor Moon story this takes place in. MARTA: Like it really matters? > Ami pulled out her computer and did a reading on the key. > "Interesting," was her analysis. "The key seems to be reacting > to some kind of disturbance in the space-time continuum. It's > way beyond our technology, but if I'm reading it right, we > should be able to use it to travel through time." MARTA: Well, isn't that convenient? > "Didn't I just say that?" Chibi-Usa asked everybody. CROW: I know how you feel kid. They *can* be pretty dense sometimes. > ------------------------------------------------------------ TOM: Highways today have been closed due to extreme snow. > Three days had past since Mamoru found the strange room, > and since his encounter with the blue-haired Jujin. Usagi > had regained her consciousness, but for now was asleep. > During the times she was awake, he did not tell her of his > encounters with the strange creatures or with the Jujin; tel- > ling her would only upset her mental state worse than it al- > ready was. MIKE: As if that's possible. > He was still sore and in pain from the beatings and his > encounter with the aforesaid creature, but by this time he > was feeling well enough to move around. MARTA : I'm not dead yet, I'm getting better. > In the room in which he was staying, in the middle of > the floor was a six-foot-wide steel dome, its top coming a > full two feet off the floor, fastened to the floor by means > of a single hinge on one side, and bearing a handle on the > other side. This structure, obviously a door of some kind, > intrigued him, and as the room's already meager food supply TOM: Wow! It's a door! > had been worn down to almost nothing, and he'd most likely > be killed if he went upstairs to search for food, the only > answer to the problem seemed to be on the other side of that > dome. > Before attempting to open the dome, he first transformed > into Tuxedo Kamen. It didn't take away all his soreness, but CROW: Like that's going to help in the future with a bunch of killers about. > the transformation did replace the skin that had been burned > off his chest and healed up most of his wounds, and it also > increased his physical strength by what he estimated to be > 10%, along with increasing his agility by a factor of 15%. MIKE: Interest in story dropped from 13% to 5 %. TOM: More like 0%. MARTA: What? He's got a character sheet telling him all this? > After transforming, he attempted to open the door. At > first it wouldn't budge, and after a few tries he decided that > maybe he could pry it open with his cane. He succeeded this > time, but ended up breaking the cane in the process. MARTA: That's coming out of your pay, Mister! > The dome > opened to reveal a moss-covered stone ladder descending into > a dimly-lit tunnel. The smell of sewer gas ascended from > below. "Not much chance of finding food down there," Mamoru > thought to himself, "but maybe the tunnel'll resurface some- > where that it's safe to come up." With this in mind he went > down the ladder and jumped into the tunnel. CROW: That was such an interesting sequence! I'm rvieted to my seat with the suspence. > About an hour after Mamoru had gone down into the tunnel, > Usagi awoke from her slumber. She was in pain, but the fact > that she had just woken up from a wet dream left her thighs > feeling incredibly hot. But the smell emanating from the now MIKE: No no no. I don't want to hear how how Sailor Moon is! > open hole in the floor was ruining the mood. Even though in > a weakened state, she managed to crawl over to the dome and > shut it, and then over to the bed to pleasure herself. The > bedposts were tubular, eight inches tall and one-and-a-half > inch wide with a rounded top, and this gave Usagi an idea. TOM: She accidently impales herself and then dies. The end. Right? Please? CROW: Oh god if she does what I think she's gonna do, I'm going to puke. MARTA: She will. I mean Leona did the same thing with Bonaparte's gearshift. MIKE: And she isn't worried about the opening to the sewer or waking up after nearly being killed? Talk about out of character! TOM: This is a lemon Mike. Being out of character is a common trait in lemons. MARTA: Don't believe him? Go read "Go, AMP, Go!" sometime. > During the time she had been in the underground room, > she had been wearing only a sheet to cover her nakedness. She > took it off and kneeled on the bed, rubbing her right hand all > over her crotch to get it lubricated just right. She teased it, MIKE & BOTS: ARGH! MARTA: What? I bet you wouldn't do that if it was Urd or Priss or someone like that! MIKE: Hey guys, she's done. TOM: Thank god. CROW: I feel so dirty. MARTA: I'm bored... who wants to watch a teenager masturbate? > Mamoru, or, rather, Tuxedo Kamen, had been exploring the > tunnel for an hour and a half by the time Usagi climaxed, and > so far there was neither incident with hostile creatures nor > sign of an opening in the ceiling. After traveling for another > ten minutes, having traversed a distance of about two miles MIKE: This guy should be in the biatholon. > from the entrance that led him here, he came to a point at > which the tunnel divided into three branches. On an impulse, > he decided to take the tunnel that branched off to his left. TOM: But ran into a wall instead when he realized there *was* no tunnel to the left. > After walking for two minutes, he could hear the sound > of music and revelry far in the distance. He began to follow > the sound, but the work of travelling for one-and-three-quarter > hours, along with his only partially healed bruises, took its MIKE: You know, you could say almost two hours... MARTA: Yeah, what is with this guy and time? One and a half hours, two minutes, one and three quarter hours? Who cares? > toll on him, and he had to rest. He sat down on a nearby > rock and started thinking to himself about the situation he > was in, MARTA: Your doomed! > how to get the crystal back from Munihausen, and > whether it would ever be possible for him and his beloved > Usagi to ever return home. CROW: He wouldn't be thinking of her like that if he saw what she did! MIKE: Don't remind me Crow! > He sat there, resting, for about twenty minutes, and > then decided to go on his way again. He followed the music, > and it took him straight down that tunnel for what seemed to > be hours, and over a distance that seemed to have been more > than a hundred miles, MARTA : Uh, do you suppose this guy has *any* clue how long it takes to walk a hundred miles? > until he realized that the smell of the > other tunnel was gone, and replaced with the aroma of meat > being cooked. Walking a little while longer, he was able to > see a campfire in the distance, with a lot of people hanging > around it. The people dressed no differently than people did > back in 1993, and seemed to be of all ages. He decided to TOM: Meaning that the author had run out of imagination. CROW: If he did the story would end. > sneak up closer to get a better look at the scene before him, > and pulled out a rose just in case of trouble. MIKE: Oh yeah. A rose will come in *real* handy in a crisis! CROW: It did in the show. MARTA: A rose? This guys uses roses? What for? > Halfway between the point where "village" stood and the > point where Mamoru first laid eyes upon it, the the brick walls > of the tunnel stopped and he found himself in an open cavern, > with hills to the left of the village. He went over to the > hills and decided to approach the village from that direction, > hoping it would provide him more stealth. Yeah, as if. TOM: And now we have people from Clueless making cameo appearenecs. MIKE: Shameless movie plug # 1. > Mamoru had come past the opening of a small cave going > into the rocky hill and thought nothing of it, but as soon as > he crossed the opening he heard a loud "bang," and felt a hot > piece of metal bury itself in his right shoulder. Hurt and CROW: I believe it's called a bullet. > bleeding, but still able to use his right arm, he threw a rose > into the dark cave. MARTA: Uh... it's a rose grenade? Who is this idiot? > The only reply he got was, "Ya think ya gonna hurt me > wit dis flowa, ya liddel faggit! Why don't cha come in 'ere > an take me like a man?" MIKE: And we have rednecks in here now. CROW: I like sleepin wit ma cousins! > Mamoru used to walk away from such challenges when he > was little, but after being ostracised by the other children > to many times because of it, he became the type to stupidly > take on an entire army by himself if one of them so much as > looked at him funny. Thus, the only response to come out > of Mamoru was, "Alright asshole, let's get it on!" TOM: He then proceded to get the crap beat out of him. MARTA: I take it you've seen this before? > He walked into the cave to find that it was much bigger > than its opening had made it appear. It consisted of a five- > foot-wide tunnel which ran for a length of ten feet from the > entrance, and led to one large, round, well-lit chamber. MARTA: Why do I feel like I'm reading a D&D adventure... a *bad* D&D adventure? > Ma- > moru went into the chamber to find out that no one was in it. CROW: It's like I'm... MIKE: You did that one already. > "What da fuck ya doin on my mountin, ya fuckin faggit?" > a voice boomed out of nowhere. MIKE: Nowhere... Exactly where this story is going, nowhere. > "That's for me to know," Mamoru replied calmly, not let- > ting on to how much the bullet wound had hurt him, "now show > yourself, you little bastard!" MARTA : So. You want to fight me? Hunh. You must be. Tired of living. Hunh. TOM: Not bad. MARTA: Ling Ling taught me that. > "I'm through da tunnel on da odda side. Why don't cha > come an get me, muddafuckah?" TOM: Oh yeah. This is a trap. CROW: And here I thought Tuxedo Kamen was the smartest of the bunch. MARTA: Based on what I've seen, that's not saying much. > Mamoru saw a boulder on the far side of the chamber > move, exposing a tunnel similar to the one that led him into > the cave. He traversed the room to get to it, but as soon as > he made it to the center of the room, a trap sprang and Mamoru > suddenly found himself caught in a net suspended from the high > ceiling. MIKE: Good call. TOM: Thanks. > Once he was caught in the net, at least 200 people came > out from that tunnel and from various holes located all over > the walls of the chamber, and the first one to approach him > was a human about seven feet tall and 800 pounds of pure > muscle. "Hey, diss faggit's all dressed up in a liddel soot > and tye!" He yelled to the spectators. CROW: My parents learned me to spoke good! > "I didn't come here for trouble!" Mamoru asserted. MARTA: Uh, like saying 'let's get it on' isn't looking for trouble? > "Maybee troubel come 'ere for yoo!" the giant countered > as he grabbed Mamoru's leg. MIKE: Make a wish! MARTA: I want to go home! > The creature grabbed a machete and then said, "Yoo > shouldn't be sneekin aroun like dat. Yoo mite just beecum > somebody brekfist!" He then prepared to lop off Mamoru's leg. TOM: It's this kind of speech that really justifies our faith in the school system. MARTA: Heh, you should see it where I come from. > Mamoru was still somewhat able to move around inside the > net, and was able to stab the giant in the forehead with the > broken-off part of his cane. The cane went deep into the > giant's head, killing him instantly while blood spat out of > the hole created when Mamoru pulled the cane out. MARTA : Oh, I wish it was that easy! CROW: Oh like he could do! TOM: Well of course a hole was created! How dumb does the author think we are? MIKE: He must think we're as smart as he is. > "He killed my brother!" a voice yelled from the crowd. > "Let's tear him down and kill him!" MARTA: Hmmm... kill the giant bad guy and all of a sudden everyone can talk normally again. > A split second later, Mamoru felt a knife cut the rope > hanging him from the ceiling, and he hit the stone floor of > the cave with a loud crash. A swarm of people were hovering > over him, kicking him, punching him, hitting him with bats, > belts, even pieces of broken glass. They beat him repeatedly, > while calling him every name in the book, and the last thing > he could remember was a steel pipe hitting him over the head > before he went unconscious. TOM: Oh great, it's the LAPD all over again. MIKE: Anyone got a camera? MARTA: Can't we all just get along? > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > In 1993, Ami attempted to do another reading on Chibi- MARTA : Hold still Chibi-usa, I'm not done with Chapter Three! > Usa's key, to no avail. Then Rei attempted a fire-reading, > from which she was able to divine that the key would function > for time travel for all of them in conjunction with the Sailor > Teleport. Rei also attempted to find out where Faust had gone > with the crystal, but was unable to get any answers. MARTA: Answer hazy, ask again later. > "The fire's not telling me anything about Munihausen," > Rei related her information to the others, "but it did tell MIKE: It keeps asking for a $1.25 a minute. > me that Chibi-Usa's key will take us all into the future if > we put her in the middle of the circle while we use the Sai- > lor Teleport, while we think of Usagi. That should take us ALL: Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.... > to wherever she is, but it will take us to the same time. > But I keep thinking, I've heard the name Munihausen before, > but I just can't remember where." CROW: It'll come to you in the next plot device. > "I think I heard about him in honors history last > week," Ami tried to help Rei's memory. "If I remember it > correctly, a man named Munihausen helped the Nazis with > their occult research during World War II, but Hitler had > him shot when he didn't produce the results that were ex- > pected." TOM: Well I'm done my elaboration for the chapter. Time for my coffee break. > "Could that have been this guy's father?" Makoto asked. > "He could be," Ami answered. "But even if he isn't, > he's still got the crystal and he's very dangerous, so we'll > have to be ready for the next time we run into him." > "Ami's right," Artemis spoke up. "He almost fried you > guys last time, and if you aren't prepared to run into him > again, he could kill you." MIKE: And if you're dead then I'm out of job... Sayyyyy. > "He just caught us by surprise last time," Makoto soun- > ded as if Artemis had insulted the senshi's abilities. "We > can take care of him, no problem!" > "Right!" the other girls chorused. CROW: Oh yeah! They'll take *real* good care of him! MIKE: Crow, one more comment like that and it's time out for you! MARTA: Well... they could try taking care of me... > Luna sighed, "All right, if you insist, we can't stop > you. But can't you go without taking Chibi-Usa with you?" > "No," Rei answered. "According to the fire, we have to > take her." TOM: Damn! > Ami pulled out her computer. "She's telling the truth, > Luna. The key is in sync with Chibi-Usa's energy, and it will > only respons to her mental commands." MARTA: Problem is, all she wants is ice cream and Barney videos. > "I see," Luna bowed her head. "Just make sure nothing > happens to her." MARTA: Foreshadowing so thick you can cut it with a knife. > "No problem, Luna. You know you can count on us!" Minako > assured her. MIKE: Mwahahahaha!!! > ------------------------------------------------------------ CROW: New line joke anyone? > Mamoru was just now coming to. When he did regain con- > sciousness, he found himself naked in a cold 6'x 8'x 6' cell, ALL: EWW! MARTA: That happened to me once and... uh.. never mind. > carved into the rock of the cave itself and locked with a > wooden door. He could hear a conversation going on outside > the door. MARTA : Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him. CROW : Not... to leave the room... even if you come and get him. MARTA : No. *Until* I come and get him. CROW : Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, The Monty Python and the Holy Grail sketch! > "Caught him sneaking around the hills about an hour > ago. He was dressed up like a fag and throwing flowers at > people to boot." MARTA: I'll bet he's from San Francisco! > "Probably working for that asshole Caesar, no doubt. > If it weren't for the makemonos, he'd be working us as slaves." > "He does. He uses the makemonos to work in the plant > up top, and he lets the humans take the brunt of the makemonos' > frustrations. Lets them rape our women and everything else, > too. That's why we're down here underground, isn't it?" TOM: Sorry but we got to start over again. MIKE: Why? TOM: Because we didn't elaborate in front of the prisoner, that's why! > "You're right. But as for this asshole, what're we sup- > posed to do with him?" MARTA Ohh, ohh, I've got an idea! > "We're supposed to wait till he wakes up, and then we > can do anything we want with him. Boss's orders." TOM: I sense something really bad coming up! > "Thought so. I was kinda anxious for something like > that, anyway. Let's go see how he's doing." TOM: I *really* sense something bad coming up. > Mamoru was now way too hurt to move, with bruises and > lacerations covering every square inch of his body, and so > he could do nothing when the door opened and the two guards > walked in. "Rise and shine, asshole!" one of them yelled as > he poured a large bucket of cold water over him. MARTA> Brrr... talk about your cold showers. > The other guard bent over him and heard Mamoru let out > a light moan of pain. "Look, Zeke, he is awake. Can I try > something new on him?" MARTA : I'm going to hug him, and pet him, and squeeze him and call him George. > "May as well, Billy. Boss said we can do anything we > want to spies." > "Hee-haw! Then let's get this fuckin' show on the > road!" MIKE: Rednecks aplenty! > With all too much zeal, Bill turned Mamoru over on his > stomach. From then on, Mamoru could see nothing except floor, > but a wave of pleasure coursed all over him seconds later > when a cold metal rod was rammed straight up into his ass. TOM: ARGH!!!! MARTA: That's it! I'm tired of this crap in every damn lemon we get sent! CROW: Oh Andrew it's so big! MIKE: Burp! That's it! Time out!!!! > (Pretty sick, huh? I warned you that this story had an extreme > "gross out" factor!) MIKE: Now you tell us!! TOM: Gyah! CROW: MMPHFF!! MARTA: Uh, Crow? You want help with that? > Bill and Zeke's pleasure was to be cut short, however, MIKE: Yay!! Hey Gypsy! I need a new head for Tom! GYPSY: Be there in a minute! > by an intensely bright, rainbow-colored light materializing > on the other side of the wide-open door to the cell. The > two looked up at the light and could make out the forms of > four fuku-clad teenage girls holding their hands in a circle, > and indside that circle was the form of a little girl, no more > that ten years old. "Well I'll be! More fun for our liddel > partee!" TOM: Surprise! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! > "Don't get too excited, Billy-boy, day mite jest be > sent by dat jakass Caesar." > With that in mind, they pulled out of Mamoru's orifices > just as the light was dissipating and the forms of the girls > became solid. When the light was gone, all that was left was > the girls. CROW: MARTA : Hold still! You want me to cut you out of this or not? > Of course, the over-hyper, perverted-as-hell Billy was > the first to speak up. With his zipper still down and his > little stump of a dick hanging out, he called over to the > girls, "Hay, y'all wanna join our get-together, li'l phil- > lies?" TOM: D'oh! 2 + 2 is 30! > "Not if y'all was the last vibratahz on earth!" Minako > yelled back, MARTA: You know, if Noriko was here, I bet *her* head would explode! > trying to imitate their accent. (Hey, why not? > If they can put Brooklynites and Southerners in Japan, why > not a couple of rednecks?) MIKE: This is now beyond the realm of good taste! MARTA: Get real! Like it was ever in the bounds of good taste to begin with. TOM: Beyond!? It left the realm of good taste wearing a freaking jet pack!! GYPSY: Here you go Mike. MIKE: Thanks Gypsy. > Zeke replied, "C'mon, y'all, just tryin' to be naybor- > like. Got a fresh juicee one rite here fer ya too!" He > motioned his head toward Mamoru's unconscious body. MARTA: Eyuck... Sorry, I like my men awake... that is, if I liked men. CROW: MARTA: Calm down! I'm going as fast as I can! > "You sick perverts!" Rei yelled. "You won't be allowed > to abuse the bodies of unwilling young men! I am Sailor Mars, > and on behalf of the planet Mars..." > Each senshi inserted their planet into the speech... TOM: Oh no. The author just *had* to put this scene in here! > "And on behalf of the planet Mercury..." > "Also on behalf of Venus..." > "And for Jupiter!" > Finally, the girls shouted together, "We'll punish you!" MIKE: That was so scary. I'm shaking. MARTA: Ohh... I've been bad! Punish me, punish me! > Zeke and Billy just hit the deck laughing. "Y'all think > that's gonna scare us? Why don't y'all just go back and tell > Caesar dat we ain't goin fer it!" > "Supreme Thunder!" MARTA: SUPER VEGITA BIG BANG ATTACK! > In an instant, the room inside the cell glowed with a > light more intense than that of looking directly at the sun > in full daylight. The skeletons of the two were clearly > visible under their flesh as the voltage flushed through > their bodies. Jupiter's attack also burned off their hair ALL: Yay!!!! MIKE: We have just reached the best part of the entire fan fic! TOM: More like the *only* good part in this fan fic. > and clothes, and was now burning their skin away from their > muscle tissue, and was slowly burning the muscle tissue away > from the bone. Their eyes popped right out of their sockets, > and the little peas they had in their crania were starting to > ooze out their noses. All they were able to do was scream > when the lightning first hit them, but now they were unable > to do even that. In a matter of seconds, the two guards were > dead. ALL: Eww!!! CROW: > When the carnage had ended, a small voice came up from > behind the senshi. "I didn't have to see that, you know. I'm > just a kid!" MIKE: D'OH! > The senshi's minds thought a singular thing, "Oh, shit!" > Hindsight revealed that one of them could easily have covered > Chibi-Usa's eyes and ears, but it was too late now. > Rei went over to Mamoru and bent over him. "Are you > all right, Mamoru?" TOM: Oh I'm perfectly fine considering that I've been blasted, beaten, and had just been raped. NO I AM NOT FINE!!!!!! > He didn't reply. CROW: Well d'oh! You expect him to get up and do a ballet recital?! > Ami looked at him with her VR visors. "He's uncon- > scious," she related the information to the group, "and > there's some type of liquid substance under his abdomen. MARTA: I hate to ask... > Maybe we should turn him around and try to resuscitate him." MIKE: I feel really sick. > "Good idea," Makoto said, as she grabbed his lower > half and helped Rei turn him on his back. > It was then that they saw exactly what the liquid on > his abdomen was. CROW: It was honey. MIKE: Burp! Crow! MARTA: Naw, it's too salty to be honey. MIKE: Marta! MARTA: What? > This made Minako think back to the speech Rei gave when > they first encountered Mamoru's assailants. "Hey, Rei, maybe > he wasn't so unwilling, after all." TOM: Now *I'm* beginning to feel sick! MARTA: Yeah, right. > "What do you mean, Minako san?" Chibi-Usa asked, having > no idea what Minako meant by that? CROW: Considering how badly out of character everyone is acting, I expect one of the Sailor Senshi to explain it to her. TOM: Just don't let it be Ami. She'll bore the hell out of her with one of those long winded speeches. MIKE: It would be Makato. She wouldn't leave anything out. BOTS: > The girls just started cracking up. Perplexed, Chibi- > Usa just gave up trying to understand with an "I don't get it." MARTA: Yeah, but Mamoru sure did. > "He's also badly hurt." Ami continued relaying infor- > mation to the group. "It appears he has multiple contusions, > heavy internal bleeding, and burnt tissue inside the rectum > and intestinal tracts. I think the best thing we can do is > clean him up and get him someplace safe." > "But how are we gonna clean him up, Ami chan?" Makoto > asked. "I don't see any water fountains here or anything." > "According to my computer, there seems to be a washroom > around the corner from the hall we materialized in..." TOM: That is one cool computer she has! MIKE: Ironically, she loaded Windows 95 into it and it crashes. MARTA: Like my sister always says; 'Go Macintosh'! > Ami's reply was interrupted in mid-sentence by the sound > of footsteps. Before long, a group of about 20 armed men was > visible outside the cell. As they were about to walk right > past, one of the men at the back end of the group noticed the > senshi beyond the open door. > "Hey, yo! Look at this!" CROW: It's a bunch of school girls in short skirts! MARTA: Cool! > The entire group stopped and accosted the senshi. MARTA: Can they do that? > "What the hell're you.... Hey, wait a minute!" One of > them noticed the bodies. "That's Zeke and Bill! Why, I > oughta..." > "You oughta what?" Jupiter's tone was as if she was > trying to intimidate them. MIKE: Here it comes. CROW: > "Shake your fuckin' hand for getting rid of those two > assholes! They were causing more trouble for us than helping > us by raiding Caesar's amy's supplies every two days, and then > almost leading them here. By the way, what're you all doing > dressed up as the Sailor Senshi?" TOM: Wow! I honestly did not see that one coming! MARTA: Uhh... I didn't... > "Because we are!" Makoto blurted out. > "Yeah, right. And I'm Tuxedo fuckin' Kamen!" the > stranger retorted. MARTA: If you're Tux-boy, who's this guy on the floor? > Makoto, now insulted by the stranger's snide comment, > used Sparkling Wide Pressure on the wall of the cell. A hole > was punched in the wall to reveal a bedchamber with a brown- > headed man involved in a wild orgy with about 15 women. They MARTA: Cool! > continued about their business, oblivious to the fact that a > four-foot hole had been blasted in the wall. MIKE: This is really shameless. > "Whoa, you really are Sailor Jupiter," another man from > the wolf-pack said in awe, "or you're one of Caesar's fucking > demons!" TOM: Ah, sarcasm. How refreshing. > "Now just wait a minute." Ami butted in. "Just who is > Caesar? And why do you hate him so much?" > "They're loyalists!" Another voice shouted. "Kill > them!" ALL: YEAH!! KILL THEM!!! END THE FIC!!! MARTA: We've found a witch! Burn her! MIKE: I think this story is getting to us. > "But wait!" a fourth voice spoke up. "What if they > really are the Senshi? They could really help us in our > fight for Caesar!" ALL: TOM: That has as much chance of working as jumping for the moon. > The man who accused the Senshi of being loyalists went > up to the man who made that last comment, and punched him > hard, bringing his fist right through the other guy's skull > and out the back of his head, sending his blood and brain > tissue everywhere. As the corpse fell to the ground, the man > let out, "I hate traitors!" ALL: EWW! > Chibi-Usa, still traumatized from her nightmare and from > seeing the violence of the past thirty minutes, fell into a > state of shock and fainted. CROW: Now if only she would just go away. > "Chibi-Usa chan!" Mercury cried out. "I won't allow you > to get away with killing a fellow human being and traumatizing > a little girl. I am Sailor Mercury, champion of justice, > and even if God forgives you, I won't!" She was about to use TOM: Oh for crying out loud! Would you stop using that damn speech! > Shining Aqua Illusion on the murderer, when suddenly she heard > a nerdy voice from behind call her name. MIKE: Oh no, please not him! > "Ami san? Mizuno Ami. is that you?" > Everybody turned around to see the brown-headed man that > was involved in the orgy. His appearance was anything but > nerdy, with big muscles, a handsome face, and a dick that was > invisible because it was currently being sucked on by three > different women. But his voice sounded strangely familar. TOM: No no no no no no no no no no no no...... MARTA : What's *his* problem? > The men all backed off once they heard the man recog- > nize Ami, and she herself turned around to be disgusted by > the sight of the ongoing orgy. Ami honestly could not recog- > nize the man, who appeared to be in his late forties, but > after one whole minute of staring she made out a few things > in his facial features and by the marks on his nose that could > only have come from wearing glasses, she chanced a guess. > "Umino?" (Remember the "Sailor Says" for U.S. episode > #20, "...anybody can change...maybe even Melvin!" Also re- ALL: ARGH!!!!! NOT HIM!!!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!!!! TOM: AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! CROW: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! MIKE: Oh man! Gypsy, I need a new head for both Crow and Tom! MARTA: I don't get it... > member Volume 1, Act 4 of the manga, where the senshi wondered > what Umino might look like with his glasses off.) MIKE: And now the author is elaborating. > "You mean, you're Sailor Mercury? I thought you died > 21 years ago. But you don't look like you've aged a day > since back when we were 15. Where've you been?" MARTA: Heaven, hell, limbo... y'know, around. GYPSY: This fic is really getting to them, isn't it? MIKE: You got that right. > "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. But what do > you mean, I died 21 years ago?" > "You mean you don't know about it? It was all over the > news. The Sailor senshi were all mysteriously killed back in > 1999, and their bodies were found hooked up to this strange > machine that looked like it raped them and took their blood > at the same time." MARTA: Congress? MIKE: Glad the bots didn't read that part. > All the girls let out a gasp. Minako spoke up, "You > mean, we were killed 21 years ago in 1999? That means, > were in 2020!" MIKE: And the smoke starts to come out of her ears as the brain cells start to think. I'm getting better at this. I should start worrying. MARTA: Do they do this often? TOM: Thanks Mike. CROW: Yeah, thanks Mike. Now we get to suffer through this fic with you! > "Right you are!" Umino answered. "How come you act > like you didn't already know that?" MIKE: And this guy was considering the braniac os Usai's school? Sheesh! Age does wear away the brain. > "It's like Ami said," Makoto opened her mouth, "You > wouldn't believe us if we told you." > "Try me." Umino's facial expression changed as it > became apparent he was about to come. CROW: Ulp! That was one part I did not need to know. TOM: This sounds like a setup to an exposition. > "Okay," Rei was the first with the courage to tell him > their story. "Back in 1993, this guy calling himself Muni- ALL: BOO!!!! MIKE: Good call Tom. TOM: Well this story is really getting predictable. MARTA: Yep. Sex, death, sex, death... the only thing being left out is taxes. > hausen showed up and he used Mamoru to get the Silver Crystal > away from Sailor Moon. Then, he threw Mamoru and Usagi through > this green thing that looked like a gateway of some kind. > We came here to get the crystal back and to find them." MIKE: There. That's what happened. Want me to tell you again? BOTS: NO!!! > Minako continued Rei's explanation. "Yeah, when we > teleported to the future, we ended up here and two goons were > torturing Mamoru. Jupiter zapped them and then we ran into > these guys," she pointed toward the thugs standing outside the > cell. > "Is that how this hole got into my wall?" TOM: This guy has all the intelligence of a brick. MARTA: This guy *is* a brick! > Makoto blushed. "Sorry, but these guys didn't be- > lieve we were the Senshi, so I showed them. And when I did, > one of them started calling us demons sent by Caesar, who- > ever that is." CROW: Ack! Makato is turning into Marrisa Picard! Smiting all that do not believe her! ALL: AHHHHH!!!! > Umino told his guards to back off. "Hey guys, calm > down. I knew these girls back before anybody even heard of > Nagumo or Caesar." He took a long, hard look at Jupiter. MARTA: So to speak... > "Makoto Kino, right?" > "Hey wait!" Ami reacted in surprise. "How do you know > our real names?" MIKE: It took the smartest of the scouts this long to realize he knew their real names? MARTA: I take it that 'smartest' is a relative term here? CROW: I feel like crying now. TOM: Same here. > "Well, you look just like Ami and Makoto. You're just > wearing different clothes than usual. That's all. Besides, > you can say I'm not the same Umino you knew back in school. TOM: Why didn't he figure this out when HE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL?!?! MIKE: Calm down Tom. You'll only stress yourself into losing another head. > Not long after we graduated, I learned that you can't trust > anybody in this world if you want to survive. I got mani- > pulated, beat up, and fucked over just too many times. So > I took up weight lifting and martial arts. When Chou-jin > destroyed the world and Caesar took it over, however, its > like things went from bad to much worse, and so we all decided > to go underground past the sewer tunnels. We occasionally > raid his army's barracks for food whenever we really need it, > and occasionally one of his spies or his patrols'll find > this place and we have to kill them before they can tell any- > body else about us. That's why the boys are so jumpy." He CROW: Wow. That was such a beautiful collection of run on sentences. I'm close to tears. MARTA: Where does the fifteen-woman orgy fit into all of this? > looked at Mamoru. "You're friend looks like he's really hurt. > You want me to have someone look at that for you?" By now he > was coming into the girls' mouths, full throttle. TOM: I feel lunch coming up. MIKE: Ulp! MARTA: And people wonder why I like other women. > "That would be great, but I'd like to stay there and > watch." Ami replied to Umino's offer. She knew Umino to be CROW: I never knew Ami had a kinky side! MARTA: Well, I don't mind watching either... > a good person, but the sight of him coming into the mouths of > three women made her suspiscious as to how else he could've > changed. CROW: And she was eager to find out *how* much! MARTA : Oh, Umino, how you've changed! Weight-lifting sure has made you *bigger*, *buffer* and *harder*! MIKE: Crow! Marta! Burp! > Rei thought for a minute, then blurted out her train > of thought. "So the legend of the Overfiend really is true! > It's not just something my grandpa told me just to put me to > sleep!" TOM: How much money do you think this will cost her in Therapy sessions later on in life? MARTA: Plenty. > "Nope." Umino answered as his orgasm was beginning to > subside. "The Chou-jin turned out to be a human in Osaka > named Nagumo, even nerdier than I ever was and a complete > hentai otaku to boot. Who'd have known he'd turn out to be > the Overfiend?" MIKE: Someone nerdier then Umino? Now that's something to see! > "But you keep talking about a Caesar taking over the > world. Who's he?" Minako asked, voicing all the senshi's > curiosity. CROW: And the question of the day is? MIKE: Something that has been asked a million times already. > "Right after Chou-jin destroyed the world, this guy > named Caesar took advantage of the ensuing chaos to take > over, staging public orgies and other types of parties to > keep the people distracted in their own pleasure while he > was out conquering entire nations. Now he rules the world CROW: I like this tyrant! TOM: What a way to keep the world distracted! MARTA: Would've worked on me! MIKE: I wonder what other kind of parties he had? CROW: Even though the possibility of this really working is zero, I still like it!!! > with terror, and they say he has an advisor called Faust > who has the power to boss demons around." MIKE: Clean up my room! Make me breakfest! Do the laundry! > ------------------------------------------------------------ CROW: (Usagi) It's so big! MIKE: CROW! TOM: Yeach Crow!... You used that joke already. > Up top, Faust had found another sacrifice and had of- > fered it to Ulotec. MIKE: That a fifty bucks. TOM: Ritual sacrifices aren't as cheap as they once were. > Once again, the thousand-penised form > rose up out of the lake to rape its intended victim, this > time taking the form of a humanoid with a jaguar's head, the > hands of a gorilla with eagle talons for nails, and a 20-foot- > thick body of a flourescent red color. Instead of outright > raping his victim like he did before, he decided to go for > foreplay, licking her butt-cheeks and messaging her tits with > twenty of his penes. He fondled her clit with his right hand ALL: CROW: I feel really sick. And robots *supposed* to get sick! MARTA: Even I'm not watching that! ALL: MIKE: Whew! It's over guys! > The monster stared at Faust. "What is it this time, > Munihausen?" CROW: Is the new Playboy in? > Faust held up the ginzuishou MARTA: Bless you! > in his left hand, in the TOM: Oh! A cubic Zecornia! > same manner as when he showed it the the senshi back in 1993. > He both informed and command Ulotec, "I have the ginzuishou. MARTA: Bless you! > Now you will show me how to use it to reactivate the world > after the Overfiend and Evil King meet." MIKE: And you will also show me how to beat the final boss in Duke Nukem. > Ulotec responded, "I sense that you have sent both > Usagi Tsukino and Mamoru Chiba into the present. This is a > wise choice, for you will need them both. But beware, the > Sailor Senshi have followed them here." > "They are of no consequence. If they interfere, they > shall be destroyed." CROW: And about *how* many have said this and are now five feet underground? Hmm? > "Whatever. But you must kill Mamoru Chiba and wash the > ginzuishou in his blood, then throw his corpse to the make- > monos. As for Usagi Tsukino, she must be forced to give up > her possession of the ginzuishou MARTA: Bless you! > and to pronounce you as > its heir. Then, and only then, shall you be its master, and > after that, you need only wait for the Overfiend and Evil > King to meet, and the ginzuishou MARTA: Bless you! > will discharge its duties at your volition." TOM: Geez! All that for a Cubic Zevornia! > "Excellent. Now you will tell me where I may find both > Usagi Tsukino and Mamoru Chiba." > So Faust was told exactly where he would find the two, > and was informed of Mamoru's condition, and the location of > the other senshi as well. MARTA: Stuff happpened, it was cool. > ------------------------------------------------------------ MIKE: See what happens when you have only single lane highways? Backed up for miles... > A day had past since Mamoru had found the village and > the other senshi had arrived, and Usagi was still in the > mansion's basement. Her wounds had pretty much healed by > now (inhabitants of the Silver Millenium seem to heal at > five to six times the rate of terrestrial humans), but all TOM: Of course they do... CROW: At least they don't have healing factors. > food had now been depleted, so she was both hungry for food > and worried about her missing Mamo chan. Masturbating may > have helped her get her mind off these things the day before, > but she had had enough of that and was now no longer horny. MIKE: I am so ill right now, it isn't even funny. MARTA: Enough? Hey, you can never have enough! > She had become tired of being cooped up in the same > room all this time, but her first encounter with the make- > monos had made her too afraid to climb the stairs that would > take her above ground. She remembered the open doorway in > the middle of the floor, and that she had closed it because > of the awful smell coming from the open hole. "Could Mamo TOM: Mamo: The hands of fate. CROW: > chan have gone down there?" she thought to herself. "I > hope I didn't lock that thing on him." > But she didn't have too long to sit and ponder on > things like that. Her train of thought was broken by the MIKE: > sound of footsteps right above the opening, and a dim light, > kind of like sunlight on a cloudy day, shone in as the pas- > sageway in was opened. "Mamo chan?" she called out in > relief, glad that her lover had returned. > But it was not to be. As soon as she was able to see > the feet of the person coming down the stairs, it was obvious > that he wasn't Mamoru. It was a gold, mechanical foot on one > leg, mostly all covered by a long black robe. TOM: So an appendage came to meet her. CROW: That's not the appendage I think Usagi would want to visit her. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. MARTA: Say no more! > "So we meet again Usagi Tsukino." Munihausen informed > her. "I was wise to throw you into my time, as now I have > you alone and you may yet be of some use to me." CROW: Of all the Sailor Scouts he could have kidnapped, why her? I would have gone for Ami! MIKE: I'm partial to Sailor Jupiter myself. BOTS: MIKE: What?! MARTA: Which one has the really long black hair? TOM: Rei. MARTA: I'll take that one. > "Never! I'll never help you!" Usagi said. MIKE: Cliche Heroine line # 1. TOM: Shades of Luke Skywalker there. MARTA : Join me Usasgi, and we shall rule the galaxy together! CROW: Now that was vague. > "Your dear Mamoru is here too, and he is dying. There > may be nothing that can be done to save him. But your love, > perhaps..." TOM: Perhaps what? Could kill him? > Usagi remembered the last time somebody tried playing > that trick on her, when the Dark Kingdom had captured Mamoru > and Kunzite told her he wasn't doing too well in order to get > her to cross over into their realm. "You're lying!" MIKE: Really? Are you sure? > "You may choose to believe that all you wish, but know > that I am telling you the truth. I will show you." CROW: I shall lead you, for I am Spartacus! > Faust held up the ball and gave Usagi a little picture > show. At first, she saw the scene as it actually was, with TOM: Cool! Is Friends on? > Mamoru stuck in a bed in a broken-down hut, CROW: Gee I wonder who's with him *this* time? > with Ami watching MIKE: CROW: What? > nhim and several attendants taking care of his wounds. This > was exactly what was going on at the moment, with no alter- > ations. They were cleaning him, putting ice on his bruises, > stitching and bandaging his wounds, and other medical stuff. MARTA: Medical 'stuff'? What exactly is 'medical stuff'? TOM: I smell a malpractice suit coming on. > Usagi looked on and said loudly, "Mamo chan!" She > looked at Faust and asked, "Will he survive?" MARTA: Depends... what's his System Shock roll? MIKE: Only if that doctor flukes out. > Faust calmly replied, "Behold, I will show you his > future." This was when he changed the scene into what he > believed to be Usagi's worst fear. CROW: The bill from the doctor. > The scene before Usagi now was that of Mamoru in bed, > with the other senshi around him. "He's not going to make > it past tonight," she overheard Ami saying to the other > senshi. ALL: YAY!!!! TOM: One down, only a few more to go! > "Should we really give him his last dying wish?" Makoto > asked the other senshi. CROW: Give *me* my last wish! MARTA: Hah! Me! I'll do it! MIKE: I really don't want to know his last wish. > "Why not!" Rei exclaimed. "He is cute, oops! I mean, CROW: Well I am pretty cute. MARTA: Like hell! I'm way better looking that you, Tux-boy, or *any* of the Scouts! > it really is the man's dying wish. I just wish Usagi were > here to see this. We'd make her way jealous." TOM: Sailor Mars by Alicia Silverstone. > "She had no right hogging this hunk all to herself when > there's plenty to go around, anyway." Minako voiced her CROW: Yup, yup, yup. Plenty of me to go around. MARTA: Hmmm... four at once... I don't think I've done *that* before! MIKE: You wish. > opinion. "Can you believe the nerve of some people?" > "I never really liked her, anyway." Makoto said. "I > was just pretending to be her friend because she's the leader." > "You're right." Ami replied to Makoto. "All she does > is whine and moan about her own petty little problems. 'Why > doesn't Mamoru love me? Why? Why?' If she'd stop being > such a ditzy airhead, maybe she'd still have Mamoru instead > of having to wonder why he left her for the four of us." > Makoto laughed. "Yeah, but she doesn't know he's been > boinkin' us on the side, right?" CROW: Only on the side? What about the front? Or back? MARTA: I prefer to be on top, myself. MIKE: Crow! Anymore comments like that and it's time out for you... again! > Minako replied, "No, I don't think so. She's too ob- > sessed to figure it out. But there's one thing I wanna know. > What was his dying wish?" MIKE: I want to see Disney... Ugh! MARTA: Rosebud... > "He's fucked us one at a time," Rei filled her in, "but > we've never had just one big anything-goes-fun-filled-orgias- > tic-as-hell fuckfest. He said wanted to do that with all four > of us before he died." MARTA: Cool... Tux-bot is kinkier than *I* am ! MIKE: EEK, my virgin eyes! > A tear rolled down Usagi's cheek. I was one thing for > the other senshi to talk about her, especially Rei, but the > thought of Mamoru leaving her to sleep with her best friends > was just too much to bear. "Turn it off! I've seen enough > you ugly creep!" she yelled at Faust. TOM: You wouldn think she could say something harsher then *ugly creep*. > "No, Usagi Tsukino, you have not. There is more to > their deceit than that which you have already seen." CROW: They've had breast implants. > It has always been said that the more intellectual peo- > ple in the worlds are also the most perverted, and Ami was > the last person to prove this saying wrong. She was the fas- > test to take off her clothes and strddle Mamoru's chest, > bubbing her pussy against the badly bruised and wounded flesh ALL: ARRGGHH!!!! TOM: Not again! MIKE: Look away! CROW: Harder, harder!! MARTA: Not with him! Me!!! MIKE: TIME OUT!!!! MARTA: Whoa, these four look pretty good for sixteen year olds. It must be something in the water... MIKE: Whew! Thank god! CROW: MMPPHH!!! MIKE: Alright I'll get your eyes for you. I take it you looked eh? CROW: MARTA: Guess what, Crow? You can get yourself out, this time! > Mamoru was dead. TOM: And there was much rejoicing. ALL: YAY!!!!!! > The four girls just stared at each other for a few > seconds, and then started cracking up in a maniacal fit of > laughter. MIKE: Laughing over the death of our sex toy is fun! MARTA: I take it they have, as they say, 'issues'? > "We should've beat his ass a long time ago and done it > to him then!" Rei said... MARTA: Well... I'm still avaliable! CROW: MMMPPHHH!!!!!!! > The show stopped there as Usagi cried out enough tears > to flood the entire room. How dare they? Not only did her TOM: And everyone drowned. The end. MARTA: You wish. > beloved Mamoru leave her for all four of her best friends and > not only did her friends betray her by sleeping with him, > but they all beat him up just so they could have an orgy be- > fore they died! "The nerve of those girls!" Usagi yelled MIKE: They? Wasn't it just tux boy that kicked the bucket? > out. "Doing that to me! I'm gonna kill'em!" CROW: MMPPHH!!!! > Faust grinned and chuckled under his breath, then stopped > it as soon as Usagi looked up at him again. "Do you know where > he is?" > "Yes. But he is too far away for you to save him > without my help." > "Take me to him! Please, I'm begging you." TOM: Thus showing what a complete ditz she is. > ------------------------------------------------------------ TOM: Bet you had to walk this line plenty of times eh Mike? MIKE: Um... no. > In the village, Mamoru was asleep in a bed, with the > other four senshi, long since changed back into their normal > identities, in the same room watching over him. Four of > Umino's people, all doctors who had also fled underground to > escape Caesar, had tended Mamoru's wounds and told the girls > that he'd be all right in about a week or so. Everybody was MIKE: Unfortunately, they never let them in on the little fact that they were vets and had *no* idea what they were doing. > worried about Usagi, but Mamoru was the only one who had any > information about her whereabouts, and since they knew better > than to try getting information out of an unconscious person, > they reluctantly decided to wait for the morning, when the > doctors predicted he would gain consciousness. TOM: They had called the Psychic hotline. > Everybody was on the verge of falling asleep, but Rei's > evil sense told her that falling asleep was the worst thing MIKE: As opposed to her spider sense. MARTA: I think it's time to cut Crow free. Got a problem wirth that *Mike*? MIKE: Nope. No problem here. > they could do. > The other four girls (Ami, Makoto, Minako, and Chibi- > Usa) were talking to each other about how they all wanted to TOM: Are you sure it was them? It could have been four other girls. > turn in for the night. > "I don't think that's a good idea," Rei protested. > "I've got this weird feeling that that guy's gonna come for > Mamoru tonight, and I think we'd better be ready for him." CROW: So let's strip! MIKE: Crow... > "What about Chibi-Usa?" Minako asked. "She doesn't > have to stay up with us, does she?" MARTA: Naw, just lock her in a small box and shove her into the closet. > Rei answered, "Of course not, Minako, just us four. > Damn. You're getting as bad as that airhead Usagi!" TOM: Talk about out of character! CROW: Yeah! No way would Rei accuse another one of the scouts as being as dumb as Serena. > "Well excuuuuuse me!" > The four of them put Chibi-Usa to bed in a room next > to the one in which they had Mamoru. "So what do you think > we should do to keep ouselves awake?" Makoto asked. MARTA: I vote on another orgy.. or strip poker. MIKE: Drink lots of Jolt! Jolt Jolt Jolt Jolt! CROW: Kiss up. > Minako came in. "I bet I can think of something." > With that she started taking her shirt off and motioning to > the others, "Ever wanted to know what it felt like with a > girl?" CROW: Yes! MARTA: All right! Someone is listening! > Ami was repulsed by the idea. "You're sick, Minako. > Besides, this is no time to play sex games when that man > can come for Mamoru at any minute! You all heard what Rei > said." > "Oh, c'mon, Ami," Makoto defended her friend, "don't > you geniuses ever have any fun?" TOM: Oh great. They're gonna do a retake on Games. > "Yeah!" Minako was kind of turned off by Ami's re- > sponse. "We'll all fall asleep if we don't do something to > keep us awake. And if you don't wanna get involved, you > can put yourself on guard duty." CROW: Orgy! Orgy! Woohoo!!!! MARTA : Yes!!! MIKE: Crow! TOM: Ah let him have his fun Mike. > Ami reluctantly exited the room to stand guard over > the girls' room and Chibi-Usa's while the girls decided to > have some fun. CROW: If you know what I mean! MARTA: This kind of fun I like! > Minako was already working on taking off her clothes, > and had already taken off her light blue dress. She moved > over to Rei and put her breasts in her face. > Minako's bra opened from the front, so Rei understood MIKE: Well I ain't watching! TOM: Same here! MARTA: All right! Finally something I can really get into... so to speak. MIKE: Oh good, it's over. MARTA: Coward. TOM: This has more sex scenes then a 70's porno movie! MARTA: And just like a 70's porno movie, most are pretty lame. CROW: And just how would you know, Hmmm? TOM: Umm. err... > Their fun was interrupted when Mamoru, hours ahead of > schedule, regained consciousness, jumped up to a sitting > position, and cried out as a man who had just seen his lover > kidnapped, tortured, raped, or otherwise hurt, "Usakooo!" MIKE: Who is this Usako he keeps referring to? CROW: Usagi's twisted clone? TOM: Plesae don't mention clone! It brings back horrible memories from Maximum Clonage. > * * * T O B E C O N T I N U E D * * * ALL: NOO!!!! MIKE: Don't you go threatening me! >--------------67D749E8253E-- TOM: The hell? CROW: What is that? MIKE: I don't know and I don't care. Let's get out of here. MARTA: You read my mind. (DOOR SEQUENCE... Uh there is none since they were all ripped apart by Marta earlier) "I can't believe that I'll be stuck up here doing this crap every week," Marta growled, pacing about the bridge. "Um, actually Marta I think I may know of a way to get you out of here," Tom said. "You do?" "Oh yeah! Hey Mike, remember Samantha? I got the number to her wrist teleporter," Tom said. "You do? Why didn't you tell me this?" Mike asked. "Well it never really entered my mind..." "Or what little of a mind that you have," Crow commented. Marta walked over and quickly picked the red robot to face her. "Can you get this *Samantha* to come up here and get me home?" "Why sure I can! Just put me down and I'll get right to it," Tom replied. Marta did so and soon Tom had the redheaded vigilante, decked in a sleeveless shirt and cut off jeans, appeared on the hex screen. "Oh hi Tom! Hi guys!" Then she saw Marta. "Who's she?" "That's not important, you just get up her and get me the hell of out her, now!" Marta demanded. "Aren't you bossy! Ever heard of using the word please," Samantha replied. "Unfortunately Samantha, we have no time for such niceties. Better get up here before Dr. F finds out we're calling you and sets up that barrier thingy again," Tom said. "Oh yeah! Hang on, I'll be there in a minute!" The hex screen went dark, its last image showing Samantha reaching for her Wrist Teleporter. A few seconds later, Samantha appeared in a flash of light. "So where do you live?" she asked Marta. "The Kazei Five dimension. Now, come on, hurry up!" "You remind me a lot of Shion," Samantha sneered. Marta's only response was to growl and flex her finger blades. After a few minutes of recalibrating the Wrist Teleporter, Samantha gave them a thumbs up. "Now give me your hand and we'll be on our way." Reluctantly, Marta did so and they disappeared in a flash of light. "Bye guys," Samantha called out. "Well that was nice, having her along for this fan fic," Mike said. "I especially liked it when she cut me free!" Crow sighed. "I think I'm in love!" "You would be," Tom retorted. "Oh shut up!" As the bots began their usual fighting, Mike saw the blinking red light and tapped it. "Hey guys, calm down! Dr. Forrester is calling." DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester's calm demeanor instantly vanished when he saw that Marta was no where to be seen. "Oh my god! She's gone!Frank! Red Alert! Raise shields! Arm Quantum Torpedoes!" Alarms and sirens sounded while lights began to flash, ensuring a pandemonium unseen before in the lab. SATELLITE OF LOVE "Calm down sir. She went back to her own world," Mike explained. DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester calmed down at this and relaxed. "Cancel the red alert Frank... Hang on, how did she get out of there?" SATELLITE OF LOVE "Uh, turns out she had a teleporter of her won and just remembered it," Mike quickly said. DEEP 13 "Oh well. At least she didn't take any of you guys with her. Now, your next experiment will be another Dr. Thinker MSTing. I hope you enjoy!" The evil scientist started to laugh maniacally, Frank joining him as he pushed the button. BLIP!!! FWOOOSSHHH!!!! \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ _______________________________________________________________________ I really liked this teamed effort between me and Michael Surbrook to riff this really horrible lemon. Believe me when I say this Michael, the next time we do a team riffing, it'll be a nice normal horrible one like Full Circle or one of Dr. Thinkers MSTings Send any C & C to: xwing@perf.bc.ca Shion Nys & Marta Nys (c) 1997 Michael Surbrook MSTed by Michael Surbrook susano@otd.com Visit Surbrook's Stuff! A Hero System/Champions source (especially for anime and manga material) at http://www.otd.com/~susano/index.html