[SOL - Mike and Tom are sitting down looking relaxed. Tom is reading his e-mail, while Mike flips through a magazine. All is quiet, and Crow is nowhere to be seen.] [sudden vo]: Hold on to your butt! [Tom and Mike look at each other] TOM: Wha- [SFX - loud explosion] [vo]: Git offa my land! [SFX - gunshots, yells and another explosion] [vo]: I'm gonna fricasse yo ass in molasses! MIKE: Uh, Tom? What is Crow doing? TOM: I have no idea. Last I heard he was going to try out some new program in the Holocabana. [vo]: You play with the bull, you get the horns! [SFX - Really loud explosion Crow steps in from stage right. He is blackened and battered, his headnet sits a bit askew] CROW: Ughhh... [falls flat on his face] MIKE [turns to camera]: We'll be right back. [Hits commercial light] [commercial] [SOL - Mike is wiping Crow down with a cloth. Tom just shakes his head.] TOM: Just had to try 'Redneck Rampage in the holocabana, didn't you? CROW: Bite me Servo, you're just made because I preempted your 'Duke Nuke'm game! MIKE: Calm down both of you, it looks like Leonard and Bubba are calling. [Deep 13] Dr. F: So my little inbred hicksters, ready for todays experiment? [SOL] TOM: Not really. CROW: Yeah, I wanna finish level 2. [DEEP 13] Dr. F: Too late! I've already got todays fanfic loaded and ready to roll. Now I will admit that I have decided to take a small measure of pity upon you and _not_ send a Sailor Moon fanfic today. [SOL] MIKE & TOM: Yahhhoooo!!! CROW: No gratuitous panty shots?? [DEEP 13] Dr. F: Instead, today's fanfic is a Bubblegum Crisis story. [SOL] CROW: Alright! Babes in battlearmor! MIKE: Calm down Crow, I've got a bad feeling about this. [DEEP 13] Dr. F: I'm sure you do Mike... see this fanfic is a cross over with none other then the Star Wars universe! Titled "Bubblegum Wars" this is Chapter one, 'A New Loop'. And I'm sure it will drive you to the dark side of the Force! [SOL] [Lights and buzzers] ALL: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIGN!!!! [...1...][...2...][...3...][...4...][...5...][...6...] [Mike and the bots enter the theater] geoclimber@aol.com (GeoClimber) TOM : GeoClimber... GeoCities... separated at birth? BUBBLEGUM WARS CROW: Not a bad title... TOM: Just keep reading. The Knight Sabers adventure in Star Wars universe. MIKE: It may be just me, but "Knight Sabers! May the Force be with you!" sounds really wierd. By Rick aka "Geoclimber", Imperial TIE Fighter pilot and devoted BGC fan. CROW: And Commander of the Royal Imperial Spaz Brigade! Bubblegum Crisis and all related materials are copyrights of Artmic Inc., Youmex Inc, and Toshimutsu Suzuki. Star Wars and all related materials are copyrights of Lucas Film Ltd. TOM: Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. MIKE: Now we know who to contact concerning this. Thanks to Fred Byon who gave me inspiration through his Bubblegum Trek stories, TOM: Great. He was insipred to write this after reading someone *else's* lame crossover fanfic? CROW: Wasn't ONE collection of bad fics enough?! DAMN YOU, FRED BYON! MIKE: It's ok, Crow. We'll make it through. John J. Aedo, my "online creative consultant," and CROW: Who obviously wasn't creative enough to come up with an orginal idea. TOM: (as John) Hey! I wonder if anyone has tried combining one world with another?! We'll call it, "THE OVER CROSS!" Vince L. Andrew the "Happy Boomer." TOM: "...and Snookie Wookums, my stuffed elephant." MIKE: What's a "Happy Boomer"? For fans of BGC and Star Wars, players of TIE Fighter[TM](admit it, it IS way better then X-Wing[TM]), and TOM : I Admit! I Admit! dear (reader's name inserted). MIKE: Mike Nelson [TM] CROW: Crow T Robot [TM] TOM: Tom Servo [TM] CROW: Already this story is just like filling in the blanks! -------------------------start here------------------------------ TOM: Couldn't it just say 'end here' and we could be done with it? (Music plays: synth-brass from the very opening of BGC #1. The soft, yet imposing strain gradually fades out, leading into the Imperial March. CROW: Konya wa Imperial March? Eyuch! TOM: Techno/Fuhrer Tunes! Neat! Rows of bright yellow letters ascend toward the top of the screen, shrinking as they go, and all against a backdrop of glittering stars: MIKE: "It's full of stars..." Chapter I: A New Loop A looooong time ago, in a galaxy faaaaar, faaaaar away... TOM: Having trouble with keys getting stuck I see. CROW : Oh yah, he must be from the ice fishing places up near Rhinelander. The evil Emperor Paletine was dead, CROW : I'm getting better! destroyed along with the second Death Star in the Battle of Endor years ago, but the Empire lived on. While Rebel Alliance gained firm footholds in large areas across the Outer Rim, CROW: Ooh, that sounds itchy and painful. TOM: For those hard to reach places, try Cruex. remanent worlds of the Empire continued to thrive in the Core systems. TOM: Remnant worlds at discount prices! New at Carpet Warehouse! MIKE: Used Asteroids and Moons for a paltry fee of 4,000,000 credits! One after another self-declared successors came into power, seeking to resurrect Imperial rule and crush the New Republic in its infancy. They've failed so far...) CROW: Infancy? Well, I would've guessed that Luke wears diapers anyway... MIKE : I am crushing the New Rebublic! Crush! Crush! (Scene: The wedge-shaped hull of a Imperial Star Destroyer passes overhead. The gray underside, covered with antennas, gun turrets, and observation bubbles, goes on and on no end. CROW: Sort of like these sentences. TOM: I'm huge! Bright yellow energy bolts shoot forward from the many turbolasers, converging onto a point in the far distance. Zooming closer, a much much smaller ship is revealed.) TOM: A Rebel blockade runner? MIKE: That's the opening to Star Wars, Tom. CROW: Unhunh, and like this isn't? MIKE: Uhmmm... [Inside the Knightwing] "What the hell is happening?" Priss yelled, eyes wide with disbelief. TOM: You're in a bad fanfic crossover, next question?. The scene outside the viewport had changed in a blinding flash of light: instead of the familiar Genom Tower- dominated skyline of Mega Tokyo, she found herself staring into the unfathomable black depth of deep space, filled with exotic nebula clouds and blazing stars. -Did I take ANOTHER hit in the head?- CROW: Just another normal morning for Priss. "I don't think we are in District 4 anymore..." Linna said, MIKE: Or Kansas. blinking madly to chase away the dancing stars on the inside of her eyelids. TOM: Mikhail Baryshnikov? MIKE: Gregory Hines? CROW: The hippos from Fantasia? TOM: That's all Linna pretty much does anyway: blink and sit there looking pretty. "Hold on a minute, this looks like somewhere in..." Nene CROW: Wait for it... took a closer look at the outside world, placing a gloved hand on the smooth glass panel of the viewport. "...in space!" TOM: Ohh... she's a genius she is! MIKE: WOW! They sure built up the suspense on that one! CROW: Wait! Get back to the gloved hand! Although she's never even been out of the stratosphere before, she was able to make the connection through all the holovids she watched. -Space, the final frontier...Which Star Trek movie started with that? XI or XII?- MIKE: How about *all* of them! TOM: Start Trek XIII - The Search for A New Plot! "Our speed has gone done to zero." Sylia observed calmly, watching the gauges, all going wild. MIKE: The KnightWing's speed drops to zero and the gauges go wild! CROW: If the gauges are going wild, how can she tell they're not moving? TOM: Just smile and nod. "Well, the engines' are still working, but I don't know where the hell we are right now." Mackie ran a quick diagnostic TOM: You're stuck in a bad fanfic crossover, so deal with it. check in the cockpit. TOM: Not to mention checking the girls in the back. CROW : Hunh, hunh, hunh. He said 'cockpit'! MIKE: Cool it, Crow. He volunteered to pilot the hovercraft on this typical outing so he'd have an excuse not to fix Priss's bike--a task that could get to be quite annoying if done every other day--but now it did not seem to be all that good an idea. MIKE: Neither are these run on sentences. "Guess we are really spaceborne after all, lucky the cabin's airtight." CROW: Yeah, convenient that. TOM: Well, you have to figure that with a typical Cyberpunk city, the smog is so thick that you NEED that airtight seal. CROW: That's not all this story needs... Sylia looked around her: everything not strapped down was floating in weightlessness, including Nene, who was reaching out frantically with both hands to get hold of her helmet. CROW: Oh, so up until NOW, Nene wasn't floating at all? TOM: Hehe... she looks like a chimp! "That's easy to figure out, by now." Priss said with the merest hint of sarcasm, and at the same time gave Nene a hand, grabbing her ankle so she wouldn't have made an uncontrolled contact Mike: (singing quietly) Contact... is the reason, is the action... that everyone's making contact... 3-2-1.. with the motoroids packed in the rear of the cabin. "But how do you suppose we got here? Stargate or some crap like that? TOM: PLEASE! Don't make mention in a bad fanfic of an even worse movie! I thought those were just stupid things scientists made up!" MIKE: Or bad fanfic writers. "Ahem." Sylia glared at Priss, somewhat annoyed. MIKE: Uh, oh. Great, Priss. You've unleashed Sylia's Terrible GLARE (tm)! She bit into her lower lip and tried to concentrate. -No use, this whole thing doesn't make any sense! MIKE: Boy, I hear ya. Huh, guys? Bots: Yep! It's so strange, even for Genom, assuming that they are involved. TOM: This is a BGC fanfic, of *course* Genom is involved! "Come here...Gotcha!" Nene finally caught her helmet and settled down into a cushioned seat. Zero-G was rather fun, she thought. "Hey, Priss, why the long face? Don't you realize how lucky we are?" CROW: Yeah, you're stuck in a bad fanfic crossover. If that's lucky, count me out! "Lucky? Are you crazy? You call this, being stranded fucking-hell-knows how far away from home, lucky?" MIKE: Could be worse, it could be raining. TOM : Oh, yah, that would blow the whole day! CROW : And the potato salad would get all mushy, don't ya know! "Why, of course. Not that many people ever got a chance like this; MIKE: What? To star in a bad anime crossover? It happens around here *all* the time. in fact I doubt that any human being has come as far as we did." MIKE: Not a word Crow! CROW: What? Nene said defensively, "So we might as well enjoy the view while we can..." TOM: Yeah, there's exotic nebula clouds and blazing stars and that nice little Imperial Star Destroyer out there... "...Until the oxygen runs out, right?" All: Doh! CROW: Oh, geez. What a party pooper you are! TOM: What, they're on Mir now? "Well, that could be a problem..." Nene found herself taking deeper breaths all of a sudden. MIKE: Isn't *my* face red! TOM: Yeah, that'll stretch out the oxygen supply. Thanks, Nene. "Sylia, what do you think? Aren't we in deep shit or what?" Priss turned to the fearless leader. CROW: No, you're in deep space, deep shit is MIKE (holding hand over Crow's beak): That's enough. "I don't know, this is really way out of the logic world as we know it." TOM: And that was way out of the grammar world as we know it. -Objects just don't shift through space like this.- Sylia disliked having completely no understanding of a situation, but admitted, this time things were far from being under control, or being real, for that matter. "Sis, where do you suppose we are?" Mackie cut in, swiveling around in the pilot's seat. ALL: How many times do we have to tell you? Space! TOM: Criminy! "Could someone have brought us here?" TOM: Yeah, a plot device. "Yep, one of those BGM varieties." Priss sneered. CROW: BGM? What's a BGM? TOM: Bubblegum Moron? "Look, Priss, if you keep thinking so negatively, damn right we'd be marooned here forever..." MIKE: "Have a little faith, always with the negative waves..." Nene started, about to launch into another not-so-politely-conducted debate. MIKE: Oh great, Bubblegum Crisis does Lost in Space... BOTS: Errk! Mike! Don't go there! "Er, excuse me," Linna's faltering voice came from the rear CROW: Of? of the cabin. CROW: Darn. "I think whoever brought us here is coming... MIKE : Don't even think about it! and it looks like that we won't have to worry about the air running low soon--if they don't stop shooting!" TOM: Oh, yet ANOTHER exciting space battle scene and we're missing it! If her words didn't get everyone's attention, the violent quiver which hit the hovercraft next surely did. They watched helplessly as the gigantic, gray shape loomed closer, like a spearhead homing in on its target. MIKE: Like Elvis to a cheeseburger... TOM: Like Florida to the elderly... CROW: Like bad media to us... [On the bridge of the ISD Malice] CROW: Thanks for the late coming name, by the way... Captain Cobalt paced back and forth before the huge MIKE: Crow! CROW: What? I didn't say anything! viewports located at one end of the broad runway, only stopping occasionally to shoot nervous glances at the all-encompassing darkness outside. -Dammit, why couldn't they have used smaller panels?- MIKE: Dammit, why couldn't they have used smaller sentences?! TOM: Dammit, why couldn't they have used newer cliches?! CROW: Dammit, why couldn't they have used an original plot?! He didn't like the panoramic view anymore, not after thirty-five wary years in the Imperial Navy. -Who needs to look with naked eyes when sensors can tell you everything?- Besides being impractical, like so many other things the late Emperor was found of, the design was potentially dangerous as well--Rebel pilots had been known to make suicide attacks by flying their fighters directly into the bridge. MIKE: Speaking of suicide... -That was how the Executor was brought down.- Cobalt thought, a painful grimace emerging on his wrinkled face as the vivid image of the Super Star Destroyer, once the pride of the fleet, plunging to a fiery demise on the surface of the second Death Star played out in his mind. -It's the Emperor's fault, if he hadn't tried to assert such tight control over his fleet...- Tom: (as Cobalt) Waaaah!! It's all his fault! He's the one who killed Santa! Crow: Uhh... "Sir, the target ship is not responding to our hailing." His thought was interrupted by a bridge officer, reporting from one of the crew pits below on either side of the runway. "They are ignoring us?" TOM: We *are* ignoring you. We're not touching you. Is this bothering you? Cobalt tried to make it sounding least like a question. CROW: But the question mark completely threw the officer off-balance. "No, sir. Although a very unlikely case, it seems that they don't have standard comm capacity at all." "Have they made any hostile moves?" CROW: No, but they have boogied and shaken their groove thing. "Negative, sir. The ship has no propulsion, in fact no hyperdrive or sublight engines we could identify." the officer directed his gaze away form Cobalt to check over some readouts. "Also, if I may note sir, they have no detectable shield generator." MIKE: And no detectable grammar. he said, looking up again for further orders. -Strange, but all the more reason to be careful. This could be a rebel trap. CROW: Since when did the Empire care about blasting away a helpless ship? - "How many life readings are on board?" TOM : Let's see... Gawain, Ector, and Bors... "Five, sir." MIKE : Three! -Hardly a threat to one full legion of stormtroopers. An easy catch after all?- Satisfied, Cobalt gave the order, "Switch from turbo laser to ion shots, I want the ship completely disable before it is brought into the main hangar bay." "At once, sir." [Inside the Knightwing] CROW: In another part of the movie. TOM: Three days later. MIKE: Location: Again, SPACE... "Dammit, I'm not going to sit here and wait to be atomized!" CROW: Nope, I'm going to run over to that big ship and *then* get atomized. Priss unhooked her harness and pushed off in zero-g, heading for the cannon turret located in the wing of the craft. TOM: Nani? *What* wing mounted turret? CROW: The wing mounted turret that the author just made up, duhhh. "Come back here, Priss!" Sylia was becoming a little impatient. "Think straight, will you? TOM: Oh, like that will ever happen! This *is* Priss were talking about! CROW: Yeah, Priss thinking rationally happens about as often as Nene being useful in combat. TOM: After that relationship with Sylvie, I doubt she can... CROW: No way, Priss had the hots for Sylia! TOM: Or was that Linna? MIKE: Enough! It is most unlikely that fighting back will do any good; besides the weapon system's down." she finished in a calmer voice. "Some kind of ion field, overloaded all the electronics, possibly the hardsuits' too." Mackie explained, looking at readings from a portable detector. TOM: Uh... wouldn't the detector get hit too? MIKE: Naw, it's really a modified Gameboy, they can surive anything. "Fine then, just tell me when to jump ship." Priss knew perfectly well that's suicide--the hardsuits were not made to work in vacuum, even though they did offer some protection against tear gas. MIKE: Tear gas... and nothing else? TOM: I've never known boomers to shoot tear gas. Just then, the entire craft jerked violently, as if a direct hit had been scored save for the welcoming fact that nothing blew up--inside the cabin at least. ALL: DARN! "We are moving again!" Nene discovered it first: they were moving closer to the alien ship. TOM: Oh, NO DUH! CROW: She might as well be the narrator, considering how she's describing every single thing! "Involuntarily." Sylia pointed out grimly. TOM: Ed Grimly? Where? MIKE: Well, since all the systems are broken down... OF COURSE IT'S INVOLUNTARY! -Tractor beam? I though it would never work...Obviously they are a highly advanced race, if the terms apply.- TOM: This highly advanced race is void in Alaska, Hawaii, Utah, and Yavin. Terms do not apply in these areas. Soon the bewildered group found themselves directly beneath the enormous bulk of the alien ship and approaching a large opening. MIKE : Then the male spacecraft fertilizes the female spacecraft's eggs... Metallic clacks echoed throughout the craft as they docked, then nothing. CROW : It was if a few docking apparatatus metallic clacks echoed throughout the craft... and then suddenly silenced... "Gee, why can't I feel the adrenaline of excitement as the first contact between mankind and other intelligent beings is about to be witnessed?" Mackie tried to breathe some cheerful air into the dreary silence, but somehow it came out like a nervous laugh. ALL : Ha ha ha ha... TOM: KILL HIM! "Fear produces adrenaline too, yo'know." said Priss, putting on her helmet. She moved under the topside hatch. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything rush." MIKE : "Begin the day with a friendly voice..." TOM: 'do anything rush'? What? She's going to make like Minmei and sing to them? CROW & MIKE: she silenced Sylia with a reassurance before she could say anything. TOM: A .38 caliber reassurance. -Only because my railgun's not working.- Nene nudged her way behind Linna as Priss started to turn the pressure valve. CROW: Like that's really going to get rid of the lesbian rumors... "Hmm, do you think they are bug-eyed monsters too?" she whispered. TOM: Nene, YOU'RE the only one with bug-eyes here. CROW: Well... if this was a pure anime crossover, my vote would be for tentacles. *Lots* of tentacles. MIKE: Crow! CROW: Bite me Nelson, you know it's true. "'Bout to find out." Priss lowered the hatch, and found herself staring into a gun barrel--the wrong end to be anywhere. MIKE : You're under arrest for taking part in a bad fanfiction crossover. Anything you say will be spewed back to the screen in revulsion. TOM : Have you seen this Jedi? Reacting by instinct, she let go of her right arm MIKE: Her right arm clattered uselessly to the floor. and punched the light out of the figure behind it--a humanoid form wearing loose white armor and a mask with triangular eye slits. TOM: : And it's on the ropes! This match could swing either way at any time now! But that was all she could do: inside the Knightwing, the rest watched in horror as she was hit in the head by a beam and dragged out of the hatch. Seconds later, other figures, all dressed in the same way and holding the same strange-looking weapon, made their way into the cabin. TOM: Just one? That's a mighty big gun. CROW: Or they just take turns using it. MIKE: You two can stop right now! "We come in peace...I think." Nene managed to say, although it sounded a bit awkward at the moment. CROW: So, what's new? Anything she's said in this 'fic so far has sounded awkward! [On board ISD Malice] Soon the whole group was assembled TOM: Accessories sold separately. on the deck of the alien ship. Sylia felt the weight of the nonfunctioning hardsuit settle around her as artificial gravity took hold. She took a look around: they were in the center of what appeared to be a giant hangar bay, MIKE: Maybe because it *was* a giant hangar bay? littered with odd-looking crates, barrels, and various other items which did not look like anything on Earth. TOM: Except for the fact they looked like crates and barrels. CROW: Oh, I get it, it's left over props from Star Trek: Next Generation! A couple of strange alien ships, including hexagonal bodies with two vertical panels on the sides which were no bigger than the Knightwing, rested in a far corner. Nene, Linna, and Mackie stood behind her, looking dazed but otherwise fine. MIKE: I'm feeling rather dazed myself. Priss was being tended, if that's the right word for it, ALL: No. by a skinny-looking machine with multiple limbs, not much unlike a basic boomer. TOM: Well, let's see...a Boomer has 4 basic limbs. A Boomer is also very big and muscular. So, I'd have to say that this is very much unlike a basic Boomer, and the author should be beaten savagely with a BROOMHANDLE, PINNED TO THE FLOOR WHILE THE READERS DANGLE LOOGIES OVER HIS HEAD, AND POST A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO EVERY E-MAIL ADDRESS EVERYWHERE FOR SUGGESTING SUCH A THING! CROW: Wow, Servo. Got some pent up feelings there? TOM: Yeah, well this 'fic is really getting to me, and I think...I think I just need a HUG! MIKE : There, there honey... -Hope she's all right. But if all they had were stun weapons...- Sylia decided not to risk it: she could barely move with the 90 some kilogram of dead weight, let along fight. CROW: Wow, sounds just like Nene in a *working* hardsuit. MIKE: Crow! That was uncalled for! TOM: C'mon Crow! "Sis, someone's coming." Mackie called to her attention the new column of white-armored guards approaching. They fanned out to form two lines in a precise, military-trained manner, revealing a being in dark-brown clothes who, to everyone's amazement, looked exactly like a middle-aged, male human. MIKE: Because he *was* a middle-aged male human! "I'm Captain Cobalt of the Imperial Navy. Please state your identities." the man said flatly. "Er, do you mind telling us what's happening first?" Sylia TOM: You're stuck in a bad fanfic, next? said hesitantly. -Never mind how I understand him perfectly.- CROW: She's one up on us. TOM: Forget about us, this 'fic MiSTs itself! "I said, state your identities and purpose for being in this sector." The man fixed her in a stern gaze. MIKE: (as Sylia) But... I'm not broken. I don't need a new gaze, I've got my own, see? CROW: That was bad, Nelson... "We are just a bunch of lost people, really." Mackie told him the truth, "We didn't want to come here or anything, you dragged us in." TOM: Yeah, that's right. Blame the Establishment! "Do not play dump with me! How do you explain your CROW: Dump? How do you play that? MIKE: Simple, it's sort of like poker, except its not. CROW: Oh... What? unauthorized presence in Imperial controlled space? Only two kinds of people do that: smugglers and rebels--neither of them will land you in a good spot!" Cobalt was beginning to regret the decision of coming down TOM: We're regretting the decision to read this. CROW: Like we were given a choice? here in person--should have just turned them over to the interrogation droids. "You don't happen to know a place called Mega Tokyo, do you?" Linna ventured, "You know, where the biggest Genom Tower is." "Mega-what? What in the blazing Empire are you talking about?" Cobalt felt irritated. -Either these people were being deliberate or else they are complete idiots.- CROW: Uhh, I choose the latter. "That's where we came from," Sylia lifted her visor. She was starting to feel stupid talking behind it, since it seemed that the man had not a clue as to who they were and disguise would only add to the confusion. "on a planet we call Earth, around a yellow star called Sol." "About two-thirds way out of the spiral arm, opposite to the Horsehead Nebula." CROW: And a left turn at Albuquerque. Apparently, Nene learned much from the holovids. MIKE: What, by osmosis? -Lucky Priss's out, or she'd probably be at this guy's throat by now.- "Earth? Never heard of the place..." MIKE : You know, Captain? Earth? It's where the Vogons put in that new bypass. TOM : You mean that place where everyone's described as 'mostly harmless'? -And why do I care anyway?- Cobalt reminded himself of the proper procedures. TOM: That's right. I had care surgically removed when I joined the Imperial Navy. CROW: Not to mention drive, emotion, and personality. "Since you decided not to be straight about it, very well, you are all under arrest by the order of the Empire. Your ship will be confiscated by the Imperial Navy. Stormtrooper Captain, take the prisoners to Detention Block 12." He gestured to an armored figure. MIKE: Yes Sir. Imperial Navy Star Destroyer Captain! TOM: Stormtrooper Captain? What are these guys? Kzinti? CROW: Now *that's* getting obscure! "Sorry, sir, but most of the detention area, including Cell Block 12, has been converted for special purpose as per the Lord Commander's orders. We'll have to put them together with the captured rebels." -Converted? TOM : What do you MEAN we're Buddhist now?! Why wasn't I notified? Don't I have command of this old tub?!- Cobalt thought angrily but did not let his ire MIKE : Next on "This Old Tub", Captain Cobalt will demonstrate the best way to interrogate a Rebel spy! TOM: No, Norm does the interrogation, Cobalt just sits there and tells us about it. CROW: Next, on New Republic Workhouse... show: it is rumored that the Lord Commander has eyes and ears throughout the whole fleet. "Very well, carry out your orders." He turned to leave, followed by two files of guards. CROW: Are they alphabetized? "Hey, wait! You can't arrest us! I'm with the AD Police!" Nene yelled as stormtroopers led them away. MIKE: Even more reason to! CROW: Well, if they're gonna arrest someone, arrest Leon! [Inside the detention cell] -They sure don't have much taste in interior decor.- CROW: Nor the author in fiction. Linna quickly surveyed the small enclosure as she walked into Cell No. 24: CROW: Knight Sabers behind bars! TOM: Woka-chicka woka-chicka wow! bleak reinforced bulkheads, steel-plated floor, no portholes and a single door which was being locked tight by the guard. Nene was kneeling by Priss, who lay on a stretcher, still unconscious. Crossing her arms, Linna tried to suppress a shiver: they no longer had their hardsuits and the bodysuits did not stand up well to the cold. TOM: Duh... those things are practically fancy swimsuits! CROW : Yeah... and they're in a *cold* room. Mike: That does it, once we get out of here I'm giving you an overhaul. Moving further into the room, she noticed in one corner a small cylinder-like object with a rounded dome and many blinking lights, and the pile of dirty rags next to it. -Looks like some kind of robot.- Linna suspected TOM: She's brillant, she is! and brought it to Nene's attention. "I'm not sure, but their technology could be similar to ours." Nene went to take a closer look. TOM: Nani? Similar? MIKE: Just smile and nod. CROW: Oh, God... and you know ANYTHING highly technical is gonna turn Nene on... She stood over the pile of rags and touched the rounded dome tentatively. A series of soft beeps came from somewhere within the cylinder, corresponded by blinks of a red light on it's surface. "Interesting. It's definitely sentient." TOM: And what led you to *that* observation? MIKE : Ah, I see they have a machine that goes *PING*! "Be careful, could be live ammo for all we know." Linna cautioned her. CROW: We should be so lucky. "Don't worry, I know what I'm...YAHHH!" Nene shrieked and almost jumped to the ceiling as she felt something touching her buttock. MIKE: Nene Gump. CROW: (falsetto; southern) "Life is like a box of chocolates... I usually run out in a few minutes." Turning around, she and Linna both grasped CROW: What? Each other? Cool! MIKE: Crow, I'm warning you! as the rags rose slowly from the ground. MIKE: Oh no! It's the Old Man from Scene 24! A confused groan came next, followed by a yawn or what they thought it was. Then the rags fell away as the figure within it sat up right. It was a man, to Linna's relief, not some kind of weird alien monster. He looked to be in the early 20's, wore a orange-yellow jumpsuit with torn open holes, had short, spiky black hair and green eyes that were only half-awake. TOM: Of course. It says in the charter that all male heroes in anime must have spiky hair, and be about 20. CROW: But this is also Star Wars. TOM: Well then, spiky hair with side burns. "Er, hi there." Linna said with a slight smile, trying her best not to scare off a stranger. "Hope we haven't disturbed you." CROW: Oh no, I really hate it when near naked babes get shoved into my detention cell. "Anh?" The young man looked up at her dreamily, fighting to keep his weighty eyelids from falling. He stared at her for about ten seconds, then shook his head. MIKE: His reaction to this story is the same as ours. "Oh, not for the least. I can sure use some company." he managed at last, even grinning a little, which brightened up his face considerably. "Name's Rick, Rick Nysen." He extended a hand. TOM: Yes folks we *do* have self-insertion! CROW: Just keep adding to the pile of charges, Rick. "I'm Linna." She shook it warmly. -Not so bad, at least his eyes are not going up and down on me, yet. MIKE: We have LOVE INTEREST SIGN! - She knew it was no time to think about such things, but still decided to put him on the B-plus list, despite the disheveled look. TOM: B-plus... that means it'll be another 10 minutes before she notices another guy. "And this's Nene." CROW : And her boy Elroy. "Hi." Rick gave her a friendly nod. "That's Artoo, by your side." "Artoo? What a cute name." Nene patted the little droid who warbled "sheepishly" (or Linna thought) in reply. MIKE : Beedee Beedee Beedee. Get me out of this lame fanfic, Buck! TOM : Finally, I have a girlfriend! CROW: Now why would Linna be thinking about sheep? MIKE: Crow! "So how did you two end up here? You don't look like smugglers to me and those... outfits are certainly unusual." Rick was asking. CROW: "...noticeably looking at their large, big honkin--" MIKE : THAT'S IT! You're coming with me, young man! CROW : OW! OW, MIKE! I WAS GONNA SAY 'EYES'! 'EYES', MIKE! TOM : Miiike! You need to carry me! to be continued in part 2... TOM: NOOOOOOOO!!!!