By Alex, the World's Worst Player

[The scene: 93U, which is the center of the Universe. Kami is naked on stage]

Random Beautiful Girl: I'm gay!

Kami: You want to have sex?

Random Beautiful Girl: Yes please!

[They do the wacky]

Sandra: Tool. I'm broke.

Alan: I have a job for you.

Sandra: Sure.

[She chases some guy but he blows himself up]

Sandra: Tool. Now I'm broke again.

[Back in 93U]

Gem: I'm not gay!

[Gem and Kami do the wacky]

Gem: I'm still not gay.

[Meanwhile, across town]

Raven: Oh, Karin...

Karin: Oh, Raven...

Raven: Oh, Karin...

Karin: Oh, Raven...

Raven: Oh, Karin...

Karin: Oh, Raven...

Sandra: Get a room.

Raven: I'm not gay!

Gem: Me either!

Kami: Want to have sex?

[Gem and Kami do the wacky again]

Karin: Bye! I'm off to do something stupidly suicidally dangerous. Don't wait up for me.

[Karin blows herself up crossing the street]

Raven: Oh, Karin...

[A Random Suit comes along with Mai-Puma, Naga-Puma and four hundred corp guards in tow]

Suit: I'm evil.

[He does the wacky with the Pumas]

Kami: We're here to stop you.

Gem: Die Evil Corpie Scum!

[Random Suit and all four hundred corp guards die]

Pumas: Thank you for saving us! Let us show our appreciation with heavy bonking.

[They all do the wacky]

Gem: I'm still not gay. Really.

[Back in 93U]

Sandra: Life sucks.

Drake: Hi.

[They do the wacky]

Drake: Want to help me find my sister?

Sandra: Sure.

[They look for his sister.]

Drake: I think I'm getting close.

[Drake dies]

Sandra: My life sucks.

[Back in 93U]

Crusher: I like beer.

[Back in HK...]

Ling Ling: I love you.

Marta: I love you.

[They do the wacky]

Ling Ling: I love you.

Marta: I love you.

[They do the wacky]

Ling Ling: I love you.

Marta: I love you.

[They do the wacky]

Ling Ling: I love you.

Marta: I love you.

[They do the wacky]

Kami: Hot damn! Gem, can you do that?

Gem: I'm not gay.

[They do the wacky]

Shion: My life sucks.

[Shion blows up half of Tokyo]

Shion: I'm omnipotent, but my life still sucks.

[Shion goes out in her big flashy car, eats at a very expensive restaurant, and then goes back to her squillion dollar penthouse]

Shion: I'm omnipotent and rich, but my life still sucks.

Gem: Quit whining.

[Raven blows up Gem]

Gem: Bitch.

Kami: That must have hurt. Let's make it all better by having sex.

[Kami and Gem... well, you know]

Gem: I'm not gay.

Raven: I'm so glad I'm not like you.

Temple: Hi there! Do you want to have sex?

[They do the wacky]

Lora: ...I'm glad I'm not in this story.

Lilith: I want you to make me better.

Raven: Okay.

Lilith: Not like that.

Raven: I'm not gay!

Shion: My life sucks, but I'll help you.

Ray: We're here to bring you back.


Lilith: You won't take me.

[Lilith dies]

Raven: You killed her!

Matt: She blew herself up!

Raven: I will avenge her!


[They fight]

Drake: I'm better. Meet my daughter, gun caddy and human shield.

Moira: ...

Drake: Let's go kill lots of bad people dead.

[Drake dies again]

Lora: ...see my earlier comment...

Korey: Why don't I get to do anything in this?

Raven: You remind me of someone.

Korey: Um, no. Not at all.

Raven: We were very close.

Korey: I'm not gay.

Gem: Me neither.

Kami: Come back to bed.

Gem: Sure.

[They do the wacky]

Zenshou: Let's stop some bad people.

Gem: Not now. I'm on a self-destructive vengeance quest.

Zenshou: Me to.

Gem: I'm busy.

Zenshou: I can tell that.

Gem: I'm not gay.

[Back in 93U, the center of the universe, for no reason other than it hasn't been mentioned in nearly a page]

Nightingale: I'm perfect.

Kami: I noticed.

Nightingale: Did I mention I'm perfect?

Kami: Want to have sex?

Nightingale: No, I never have sex with anyone less perfect than me.

Kami: Awww...

Gem: She's being mean.

Kami: Yes. Want to have sex?

[And so on]

Shion: My life sucks.

Marta: Others suck more.

[Gretchen, Ishimori Matsugara, Joe Vesuvius Togoloa, Joe Virgil, Kira Ujinaka, Kyle Andrews, Riffraff, Tajiri, Thorn, and Walter Gibraltar die.]

Nightingale: I'm glad I'm more perfect than them.

Shion: I go Domu on her arse.

[Nightingale dies]


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